Anxious about telling him what I feel

Hi guys 😊 Two years ago, I broke off a long-term relationship because I found out my ex-boyfriend was cheating on me. I think that's when the panic attacks and anxiety started. Fee months ago I met a guy who is eight years older than me, very mature and whose life plans and character are incredibly similar to mine, but I can not get rid of the fear that everything will end as in the previous relationship.

There is a huge sexual tension between us. We’re both very handsome, attractive and have a similar sense of humor, but what’s even better is the fact that we can spend hours together just watching a game or reading and talking about our books, family, cooking together and cuddling.

He does not want to be in a relationship until he is sure that I can commit and the relationship will lead to something serious. On the other hand, I can't relax and I'm afraid to work on the process of getting in touch, because it could end like my previous relationship. He is the only man who attracts me after my ex, but on the other hand he is much more handsome, successful and desirable than him which creates a feeling of jealousy in me. I often lose control and get jealous over small things, such as whether he laughed kindly at the waitress in the restaurant, why he returned the follow to some beautiful girl on IG who followed him, etc.

He allays tries to be there for me when I need him, we talk about everything, but I’m afraid to admit to myself and him how much I actually care about him. When I’m with him it's like I forget about all my problems, I feel like he’s the only person who understands me. Couple of days ago I caused an argument and I treated him pretty ugly. He got upset because we had talked about these things before and said he understands that some things remind me of my ex, but that I can’t shift the blame on him for something he didn’t do just because it reminds me of the things my ex did and I promised I won't do that again but I did it.

He told me that I was acting spoiled and childish and that he could no longer try to prove some things to me. He said that by behaving like this I was driving him away from me and that was the reason he thought the two of us could not be together. Also, he did something he would never have done before, he unfollowed me on Instagram. I felt like someone had ripped my heart out of my chest because it seems like he'sno loger interested in my life.

He became my best friend, someone without whom I can’t imagine a single day, and I hurt him and behaved so badly. He always takes care of me, advises me and he tries to help me find meaning in life and now i want to call and apologize. I really want to try to change my behavior but i think that he's tired of me. I need advice, should I respect his message or should I call and try to fix things? I’m also afraid to admit to him how I feel, to say I’m jealous just because I care so much about him and I don’t want to lose him, but I’m afraid of that conversation and I don't really know how to express my feelings because he's introvert and I don't want to scare him. Sorry for long text and thanks to everyone who answer 🥺