Any advice for jealousy
So for context my wife and I have been together for over 3 years and this started about 6 months ago.
So my wife and I were at a bachelor party for a friend about 2 years ago and one of my other friends who was there texted my wife the day after the party and say he wanted to do things with her if he wasn't in a relationship and if she want in a relationship.. I confronted him and warned him that it was uncalled for and that he crossed a line.. I forgave him but never forgot. After all that went down my wife and he hadn't talked at all until 6 months ago when he texted her and apologized and wanted to be friends.. he never contacted me about this and broke guy code. Now they text every day and talk about personal problems and mental health (part of me is glad my wife has someone to chat with about MH problems) but what bothers me is that I can't help but feel angry with them. I've had a talk about my feelings with my wife and that I want to overcome my jealousy however I still can't. He has cheated on his wife before and is not a great husband for his current wife whereas my wife is loyal and I trust her. Why do I feel this way? I really want to tell her to stop talking to him and it's making me have intrusive thoughts about just leaving to protect myself from any possible harm thay could come but I know they're just intrusive thoughts... I don't want to hurt my wife but I also don't want to be hurt.. why did it have to be my once best friend and why the guy who can't be trusted.. why does she text him all the time why do I feel angry...
Any tips on how to overcome this would be appreciated..
Thanks for reading.
Okay so first of all having someone this toxic in your wife's life is not at all good! She will eventually have his impact on her! And the way you feel is perfectly fine because over here you are not talking about some random friend of yours you are talking about the love of your life!
The basis for jealousy goes higher because of not expressing or being honest about your feelings!
I mean i agree it sucks when you talk to someone about your feelings and they couldn't just understand. But see if you would not talk to the people around you to whom you love and respect and care, this will not end well or in the favour of your relationship.
And this is not you being jealous or overprotective this is you being honest and concerned about someone you deeply care. And trust me she would understand this if you be honest with her about your feelings! And how this is effecting your mental peace!
Lastly if she sacrifice this friendship for your peace and compromise her comfort over you then always be there to support and love her more and prepare yourself mentally for such sacrifice from your end someday! Because thats how relationship works. Today she is doing something for you tomorrow you would do something for her of the same nature.
Hope you get a lot of happiness in life with your partner.
Regards.
Thank you for your response!
It's tough because I don't want her to sacrifice what could be a good friendship for me and instead I wanted to use this as an opportunity to better myself but I guess it ended up being harder than I expected.
I may be ignorant in the fact that I don't truly see him as toxic if he's supportive to her as a friend and he hasn't done or said anything to cross the line since apologizing to her a few months back and with that said, I don't feel she would see it as toxic either. But I guess it's time to have another talk about these intrusive thoughts and see if I can get some feedback from her. Thanks you once again for your input I truly appreciate it.
Thanks for reading the response!
Actually i am someone who doesn't believe in second chances with some experience in which my loved ones are involved. And one thing i learnt the hard way: You have to be vocal about your feelings to your loved ones and if needed be sacrifices are part of relationships because if the ride of your relationship is straight in its direction and the couple doesn't face any challenge or ups and downs in a relationship or isn't flexible about changes of life it looses all its strengths. Time will pass by but your relationship will no longer be as loveable or committing it used to be. And these sacrifices or happy moments brings you and your partner closer. Relationships should be in the form of rollercoaster rides with all higher and lower points it gives your strengths and brings your need and support in both of your hearts.