Break Up or Stay? 18+

VERY LONG STORY

My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years. Last year she started a new job and met new people. This one person she met (male), she would stay out late after work and smoke with him almost every night. I asked her about it, obviously cause I was paranoid cause she was always with him and not me. She PROMISED me over and over that nothing had or would ever happen between them. Of course I believed her because I trusted her and because she’s a lesbian.

Then, last year at the end of October, we broke up. She said she needed space for her mental health. I obliged because of course I want her to work on her mental health even if that means without me. Mind you, we were still talking at this time because she was leading me on with “I love yous” and “I want yous” and stuff. Saying that she was always gonna be mine and that I was hers. But, she got on dating apps. Tinder being the first one. She accidentally sent me a screenshot of a match and said “not me matching with this hot a** girl.” I responded with “are you serious” then she proceeded to lie to me and say it was a joke that she edited the picture herself as a joke for her friend who knew the girl.

I could immediately tell she was lying because I’ve seen a tinder match and I know first hand that her editing skills aren’t THAT good. So I confronted her and she told the “truth” with another lie. She said she just got tinder cause she was bored and matched with one girl and never talked to her. I told her we were done, until she came over and begged me to stay with her telling me she wants only me and loves me. I believed her. I stayed with her.

Not too long after that, she came over to hang out. We started out cuddling and talking. Then she started looking at me weird, like a guilty look. So I asked her what was wrong and stuff. She started crying and saying “promise me you won’t leave me, please promise” I said “I can’t do that especially if you think I’m going to leave you.” She just kept crying so I said “what did you do.” And she finally told me. Remember that guy i mentioned from her job? This is where he comes in again. She told me she had s*x with him. I immediately went blank and felt my heart drop and break and started crying. I started to leave her, she pulled me down and begged me to stay. Said it was a mistake and wouldn’t ever happen again and lalala. I stayed. I gave her another chance.

He wasn’t the only person she met at work. She met a girl, too. One like me, a dyke. (Masc Lesbian). Anyways, what I know now that I didn’t know then, is that while we were together, she found this girl attractive. Knowing she had a girlfriend and knowing it was disrespectful, she still got her Snapchat. And they talked everyday. She would talk to me about this girl after work and how fun it was to work with her. I obviously was suspicious of that also and she PROMISED that nothing would happen between them. This happened around the same time she promised me nothing would happen between her and the guy.

So, jump to like a month 1/2 later, I decided to go through her phone because it kept vibrating and she kept getting calls on Facebook messenger. I opened it and see all these messages between the guy that she broke the promise to sleep with that “ONE TIME.” Yeah it wasn’t once. And she continued doing it after she told me about the one time. For a whole month almost 2 months, she was sleeping in bed with me at night, while out having a relationship with this guy and sleeping with him. She was telling him she loves him and misses him and this and that. So I flipped. I left her. I went back to get my stuff and she “kidnapped” me, basically just wouldn’t let me out of her car until I agreed to stay with her. She gave me all her sweet words and convinced me to stay. I always stayed. Because I love her. So much.

A day after that, her and her friends got into an argument because they were mad about what she did to me because they condoned her behavior but they didn’t know she was still essentially in a relationship with me because she didn’t tell them. We’ll call this girl “Kaitlyn”, we’ll call the guy “Drew”. So her friends were arguing with her and said “does she know about Drew and Kaitlyn and all the others?” So I looked at her and said “what about kaitlyn and what does she mean all the others?”

she lied and said “nothing happened with kaitlyn we hung out outside of work once.” So I believed her. Of course, typical of me. So later down the line she “pinky swore” that she would never talk to Drew or Kaitlyn again. Which she claimed a pinky swear meant so much to her. She hyped it up a lot all the time. Would refuse to break a pinky promise. So we’re getting better, starting to move on. Until she unblocked and texted Drew out of the blue. She said she called him by his nickname and he asked who she was and she told him who it was and he said “oh ok I got a new number” and then she blocked him again. She wasn’t going to tell me about it, I found out about it from her email. We argued and she claimed she didn’t know why she hurt me again and broke a pinky swear to talk to him for 2 seconds. I believed her and let it go and we got better again.

then I found out about everything with Kaitlyn. (Also all the stuff with Kaitlyn was happening at the same time the stuff with Drew was happening) She confessed how much she loved Kaitlyn to her and how she would leave whoever she was married to for Kaitlyn that she would do anything for Kaitlyn. I confronted her. She said they also stayed the night together and had a makeout session once and went on dates. Again, this is all while me and my girlfriend were still sleeping together every night. No we weren’t dating but we were a thing. Just without the title at that point. So I left her again and of course she got me to come back.

to justify it she kept saying “we weren’t dating” yes I know we weren’t dating. But if you’re begging me to stay with you and not leave you and cuddling me and kissing me at night and telling me you love me and that you’re mine and I’m yours then we’re obviously something.

so the point of all this was just to explain why I am at the point I’m at. I’m fr stuck. I have no idea what to do. Never before in my life have I ever stayed with someone who has cheated on me and hurt me and disrespected me like this. But for some reason I can’t leave her. I love her soo so much. More than anything, she’s literally my entire world. I want my life with her I want a family with her. We’re doing a bit better now. Sometimes it all gets occasionally brought up in arguments but aside from that we’re doing okay. But I don’t trust her whatsoever. Anytime she gets on her phone, my heart kinda drops. It’s always in the back of my mind. I’m also on medication for PTSD, depression, and anxiety.

so am I just blinded by love? Should I stick it out and see how it goes? Nothing else has happened since all of that. She’s getting better and I kind of am. We just constantly argue and argue about the same stuff and nothing ever gets resolved. Do I stay? Do I leave? I just need some advice.

thank you.