Don't know if I should/could leave her

This is hard for me to open up on, but I know I won't get any answers by keeping it in. I've used 7cups in the past to help through tough times so here's hoping things haven't changed :)

I've been with my fiancée for about 3 years. Engaged for two years now. We met at work and she was everything I ever dreamed of. Kind, funny, interesting, intelligent, beautiful and she made me a better person and I her.

Long story short, we moved in together for a few months and I was asked to move overseas with her.

Things were a little more complicated visa wise, but I thought long and hard about the situation and decided to follow her. As I cannot mention everything, all I will say is that we went through a lot in order to be together, and more so after we started dating.

Anyway, I sold everything I owned. Said goodbye to my friends and family and flew over with her. We stayed overseas for 6 months and I went back home to visit family. Due to my visa situation and the sudden onset of covid and related restrictions, we have now been separated for 2 years and I have not been allowed to visit her yet. She also could not see me for fear of getting blocked out and losing her visa as well.

We've been doing all we can to manage the situation and honestly we were doing really well when most people in our situation did not make it.

However, the last few months she has become very cold towards me. She has been constantly irritated and upset. Fights with me often about stupid things and it's starting to feel like a really toxic relationship.

I have spoken to her about my concerns a few times and she always says that she knows I deserve better and that no one will ever treat her like I do, but that she doesn't know if she'll ever not be as angry and irritated as she is.

I told her that I don't want a life where I constantly feel unloved or unwanted. So I'm confused. If I'm doing nothing wrong, then why?

In my opinion it shouldn't be hard to be kind and loving to the person you love. And I've spent a long time wondering what I might've done for her to be as irritated with me as she is at the moment.

We decided that it's just the distance. And that things will be better when she comes to visit in a few months.

But what if it isn't? I have to go through the next few months feeling alone and unloved. And I'm not being melodramatic. I want to tell her about things in my life where her friends tell me about things in her life before she ever tells me. She seems to not be as in touch with me as she used to. Doesn't seem to always listen to things that are important to me. For me, even when I feel angry at her for making me feel alone, I still treat her with kindness and love, because I do love her and it doesn't feel hard to do so. It makes me wonder if she really does love me anymore and if I'm wasting my time and energy.

She's asked that we stop video calling often as she feels we always fight. She suggested we text. I had my concerns and honestly felt a little left out. But as always, for her well being (she has been going through a tough time as have I), I decided to do what she thought she needed and agreed while putting some groundrules in place to make sure we don't misunderstand each other (my concern was with the loss of emotion on texts that moght aggrevate things ). We tend to still get into unnecessary spats though. She always apologizes and blames it on pms or just agitation about other things.

I just feel tired of living like this. I don't know if I can make it for a few more months doing this. Everything I see and hear tells me the relationship is toxic and that I should leave. But I love her... And we've come so far.

But what if I'm committing to a life where I will always be unhappy? I'm worried that I'm just afraid of being alone. I've given this relationship everything I had left.

But what if it is just the distance and I give up now?

She's pushing me away and she's said it. And it's starting to work. I can only stand a certain amount of punishment.

I just don't know what to do. Or rather if I have the strength to do it.

Hoping to hear from others who have been in similar situations and how they handled it.

Thanks guys.