Fear of intimacy
Had a traumatic experience when i was 9. I was sexually assaulted by my own teacher twice.. Ive developed this fear of getting intimate with anyone.. I met this man, felt hope that i could recover bcuz im in love with him. dating him for over 4 months now. He respects me a lot, my decisions, and i like that and abt my fears. But I feel like im being unfair to him, and selfish. i want him to be happy and I feel like this fear is gonna be a huge problem in our relationship.. I need help. How do i deal with this?
@silentdisco
Hey, I am sorry that you had to go through that at such a young age and I can see why you would find it hard to be intimate. And I'm happy to see that you are in love with and are dating a guy who loves and respects you. Does he know about your fears and the reasons behind them? And what makes you feel like this is going to be a problem in the future of your relationship? He does deserve to be happy just like you do. And it is not selfish to take care of yourself and heal from traumatic experiences. Although, as a listener, I can not give you advice and you know about your situation better than I ever will, feel free to reach for support on this platform or offline. Take care and loads of love. ❤
I've told him about it before. How it happened, and the unpleasant experiences i had aside from that. He wanted to hurt the people who hurt me in the past, especially the teacher who gave me the psychological trauma which I dont know how to recover from. But I know there's no point in hurting them. The damage has been done. What i need is recovery.. And I wish i could recover on my own. I've been trying to but it's not as easy as I think it is. I avoid people I don't think I could trust, or pretend that it's all fine just for the sake of being nice. But not always. I can't manage my own emotions sometimes. I had times i have to isolate myself for a bit just to release my anxiety and calm myself down in secret. When it happens, I can't help but blame the person who hurt me in the past.. There were times my boyfriend feel unwanted.. I don't like it. I'm being a prude and I don't wanna be the cause of his distress in the future, and i dont want my perception of him to get messed up to the point of not trusting him anymore. I don't wanna lose and hurt him over this stuff. I know he loves me. I just need to understand that physical intimacy is his love language. I know he respects our difference of showing love. But I don't know about me. I don't trust myself. I want to be able to share my feelings and emotions as much as him. I'd blame myself for not being enough if either of us break this. Intimacy is important in a relationship. But I feel like it's what i fear the most, along with having trust issues. Thank you for listening and commenting. Take care as well ❤️✨
@silentdisco
I'm so glad that he understands your reasons and respects you. He seems like a good person and so do you. If he read this post, he would know how much he meant to you. It is okay to take your time. Recovery could take a really long time and you need the time. If it were something completely under your control and just your choice, the conversation would be different but this is probably not a matter of choice/control. And it seems like both of you know about the differences in your love languages which is a complex thing to learn. And as far as taking breaks, isolating yourself sometimes and the fear of making him feel unwanted is concerned. You are aware of it, you see the patterns, you understand each other, and with time you can make things better. You are a beautiful person who deserves all the kindness and patience to recover. Take care and I hope you feel better. And always feel free to reach out for support on this platform or offline. 💖
@silentdisco
Find a professional therapist for this. This is way beyond the realm of "listeners" and requires specialized long term therapy.
If you don't take care of this issue, you'll find every relationship you have with be highly compromised.
I know this, all too well.
