Feeling a bit lonely
Hey all,
I started seeing this guy and things have been going well, but I just wish we could hangout more often. We've had four dates so far that have been about every two weeks. This weekend his family is coming over, so it would be more like three weeks in between. I want to respect his time and for him to live his life, but I just feel a bit lonely. We are non-monogamous and he has another partner. I am working on finding a second partner for myself to help with having the connections I need. I also raised the idea of talking on the phone, but we didn't really plan a time. I am debating if I should raise the idea of a phone call again now or just wait until we meet in person where we can communicate better about this. Also the last date we slept together and it was my first time, which I felt good about, but I guess I sort of wish he called to check on me or something and that's contributing to the anxieties around not seeing him for another three weeks.
Thanks for listening,
Day
Hi @Daydreamer47, I have been in a similar boat as you. I went on my first date with a guy I met on Hinge and we would see each other every 2 weeks mostly because he was busy. I wanted to see him more often but didn’t want to be too pushy. I liked him and had a good time but for me I realized that it wasn’t for me. There were several reasons why I felt that, one being not able to see him more often, even though I had a good time we never talked about the deep stuff and I felt like we were only talking about surface level questions so lack of connection, I low key felt like I was a boarder line f**ck buddy for him and knew I deserved more. I can’t tell you what to do but my takeaway was to always ask yourself whether the relationship you are in gives you more positive energy than negative (being anxious etc). Don’t settle for less when you deserve much more. I would say communicate with him and share your concerns and make your decision based on how he responds. Also since this was your first time you are bound to feel attached and trust me I’ve been there but know that he is not the end of the world. There’s so much out there so explore and take your time. Don’t take it too seriously and have fun and be safe. I wish you all the best.
@carpediem1959 I definitely don't want to break things off, just pursue having a second partner. I intend on continuing to be non-monogamous anyway. I think I should definitely advocate for a phone call or video chat if it's going to be a long time between meeting, because that seems quite reasonable to me tbh.
@carpediem1959 As an update we just planned to talk on the phone Monday night. I think I will feel better when I'm able to talk to him then and express more of how I feel over the phone and in person after that, since texts can be misconstrued. I've felt like we have clicked a lot and have a lot in common and he has seemed understanding so far. I think it'll be easier to express over the phone that I want us both to have lives and time for friends/family too but just sort of wanted a compromise way of connecting a little more often. I have chatted with some other people online, but I think I have to be patient with plans to find a second partner.
That’s great! I’m glad you took the initiative to set a call. I wish you all the best.
