Help

This post is for the future me so that i can remember the time i was treated like a proper human and well loved and appreciated and for others reading it, its just about how love can change a person POV and world... Ugly, Fat fuck, fucked up, looser, a dissapointment ..these are the adjectives which were used for me. Bullied, left out, forgotten this is who I was. I was someon who couldnt live up to his parents expectation at all, even though working hard for it. Someone who was never appreciated by friends or parents. That disspointed faces on my parents were so heavy for me that i couldnt feel their love, as everything they did for me seemed like their expectation increased and i simply tried to avoid them. But in 18 years of my life i dont think i have heard anything good about myself from them. I had no friends and i was bullied for my looks and weight throughout school. My life at that point was so bad, before i went to bed i hoped i dont wake up tomorrow to see the sun rise. I lived miserably even though having so many luxuries. And my view on the world was also dark untill 2018. On August of 2018, I met someone. Someone who changed my life and me. Someone who gave my life a new meaning. Someone who made me feel special. Her name was"Sadia Samaira" ,someone i can never forget. The first thing that she ever said to me was "I love you". Something that i never heard from anyone else before. We got to know each other, spend days after days texting and meeting. She used to wait for me and I waited for her. She made me feel special. She was the only person apart from my family to wish me on my birthday and give me a present. My first Valentine and my first love. She became the light to my dark life. She was everything to me.She was the reason i could relate to "Annie's Song" and Arnob's Songs. To her i wasnt ugly nor a dissapointment , to her i was perfect or that's what she used to say back then. We made countless of memories together and I loved every bit of it. The way she called my name and I was sooo happy to be myself. My confidence boosted up, so did my grades. My life was complete. Finally i felt like home. I loved her more than my life. More than anything else. She did too. She promised to hold my hand forever and get married someday. I was living in my dreams. Better than dreams bcz Not even in my dreams could i Imagine someone so beautiful would want me beside her. I finally had that missing piece of my life. Forever was possible with her. Things were going great untill my parents found a painting i made of her and a letter. They certainly didnt like her. Much more than her, they were disgusted about the fact of her family background. And the only thing they said to me was to break up with her. Someone i couldnt live without. Someone who gave me a new reason. I told her about it but we continued to our relation though we were shattered by this incident. She couldnt trust me or dream with me since she thought i would chose my family over her. And i thought she would leave me as i couldnt give her a secured future. Yet our love held us together or so as i thought. Later on her text kept getting shorter. She lost her enthusiasm and stopped saying anything nice to me. I got insecured kept asking for reassurance which she couldnt give. Finally She broke up with me for no serious reason and blocked me, never to speak again. I miss her. Every night i cry and keep looking at her and our pictures together. With her i lived in both dreams and memories. Without her i just had the memories to live by. I would sell my soul to be with her. To get her love . Out of billions i would still choose her. She was my LOML and my Soulmate. Now i just go to bed hoping to see that light again. That light which was beside me even on a rain filled cloudy day under my umbrella. I love you Samaira. You will always be my love. I hope u r doing well. Its hard for me to wake up and see there is no good morning text from you, yet i still wait for one name to pop up on my chat list. I hope i find someone who would love me and treat me like you did. Otherwise this life is pretty much worthless to me.