How do I show support without being too much?
Hi, so I have been talking to this guy for about 3 weeks now. We met on bumble and hit it off right away. We hung out at his place 4/7 of the days of the first week and everything was going good. The next week he started to be less active online. I did get really anxious about it, but we eventually met up to talk about what has been going on. This past Sunday, we met up in his hometown for lunch. We both shared a lot of personal information about growing up and our mental health. We also opened up about our past relationships. He told me that he has trust issues from a 4 year long on-and-off relationship due to being cheated on over and over. In fact, the final break up was only a couple weeks before we started talking. So essentially, the week he was not active online was because of a depressive episode of past reminders of his ex. Today, I reached out to tell him that he is important to me and that I am always available if he needs anything. He then told me that he has to work through some things himself, which I understood. My question is how can I show support for him without it being too much but still being around? I don’t want to not talk to him for a longer period of time, but I don’t want to be annoying. I also really like this guy and don’t see myself looking and connecting with anyone else.
@kykylu70
Hi kykylu, I can understand how despite being a giver in this relationship, it feels like you or doing less or may be, not enough. You should remember, this guy has not completely recovered from his past relationship and every step ahead he takes towards this relationship, he will feel a pull towards his past. Having healthy relationships is tough in the beginning, because two very different people, coming from different backgrounds, different experiences, are trying to spend same time together and then post analysing and comparing with past dates. It's not justified. Now, with what I understand in your case, I feel you have done good till now by sharing that you are there for him and he is important for you. Let him take his time, let him recover, just make sure you do daily check-ins, indirectly in the form of some insta shares or just "what are you eating today" types, etc. Try to share data from your side and check and ask his opinion, without forcing him to open up. When finally he starts seeing your worth and starts respecting that, that pull will stop acting and by that time, (it can take months), you will start having a healthy relationship. Rather I should say, start with friendship, he needs someone to able to trust more than be romantic at this moment. After all, what are friends for !!
@kykylu70
You wrote you reached out to tell him that he is important to you and that you are always available if he needs anything. You made him an offer of help and that's fine. I suggest just a few questions to think about. What else would you like to do? Is it an offer of help from you without any expectations? If you expect something from him, then what?
