How to deal with my actions and emotions?

This is the backstory:
I am female 25 years old I have been living with my parents and recently decided to live with my brother until I find a job and mostly talk to people online. My mom wasnt really motherly because she overreacts to things and when you point something out to her she self victimizes herself and makes herself feel bad. She also has actively always spoken badly to me and says things as jokes when in reality its messed up. My parents are arranged married so alot of things they say to eachother is very toxic and dam right emotionally abusive. I thought this was love and I can tell you I was in for a rude awakening because I had gotten into a relationship with a narcissistic guy (I broke up with him) and it has not been great for me ever since. The reason for this backstory is so you understand alot of what my environment was I absorbed it into how I react to things when pointed out and I am not using it as a excuse for my actions just understanding. I am with another guy and I love him alots and I know he loves me alot too and i deeply know he does.. (LDR but we have met in real life)
The present and the issue
Last week me and him got into an argument  and ended up squashing it out. That same night after we played a game of project zomboid with his friend. We ended up playing it with eachother and we kept getting into arguments and one of them was him saying how he wished I was killing zombies with them instead of sitting in the house and it was hard to have an interactive gameplay because I was not there. In my head I took it as him attacking me for the way I was playing the game. We argued and argued eventually i got so angry I told him to leave me alone if he wont I will cheat on him so he can leave me and hate me for good. This proceeded to a conversation we had on how its not right I said that and how I should stop pushing him away just to have him chase after me.  This eventually takes time to resolve because I dont condone cheating and I would never cheat because thats disgusting and if you are not happy with someone just leave. This is not the first time this has happend to where I have let my emotions and this stupid self victimizing behavior take control of my actions and I need to stop it now and right here and I do not know how to.