I have no idea what to title this..

I don’t even know where to start. But I’ll just start. I can really use some advice or help :)

So my girlfriend and I have been through a bit of a rough patch I guess you can say. Just disagreements over stupid things and we don’t always understand each other. However things have been looking up and I’ve felt more appreciated lately, we are doing pretty good and she seems happy. However, our last argument about 2 weeks ago happened and she was writing in this notebook. As I was cleaning yesterday I noticed it on the side of the bed, and I know I shouldn’t have but I picked it up and started reading. I regret it now. I just wanted to know what she was thinking. And have a better understanding, maybe learn or pick up a few things I can improve on. And overall see where her head was at. But I found a section that began talking about how she thinks she took the wrong route and should be with a man like her sisters. And that she wanted a kid or kids by now. That it’s harsh to say but it’s the truth. And I just don’t know what to make of it.

We’ve been dating for 3 years, and I mean we’re young still. She is just starting college and I am now in the nursing program. I thought we were on the same page, I know we are both eager to start a family but coming from little money and a lot of struggling, it is in our best interest to wait for our careers to take off and get out of this small apartment in order to raise children the way we want to, where they have their own room and we can comfortably afford their needs. I just don’t understand where that came from. Now the past day I’ve been tearing myself apart and just feel completely worthless. I mean when this girl is your world and you can’t even give her the family she wants, it’s pretty damn hard to cope with. She’s been with me for 3 years and has been with girls for most of her life. She always claims she doesn’t want to be with a man for several reasons. Now all of a sudden I come across this and can’t help but feel terrible about myself and wonder if this is always something in the back of her mind. Or if she’s faking being happy with me or anything. I don’t know what to do from here, any advice is GREATLY appreciated. I know I should have never read what she wrote, but I was just trying to understand her better. Now I look like the bad guy if I bring it up. It’s only pushing me away and making me feel something heavy on my chest not talking about it though, and I’m sure she notices the change in my vibes… so something has got to give soon.