I need Relationship Help
Hi. I recently caught my boyfriend of 2 years texting another girl. From what I seen, his messages weren’t inappropriate. But hers were. He got very upset and accused me of not trusting him and going through his phone. I’m wildly confused and unsure of what to do. That night I apologized and it was dropped…except it’s all I’ve been able to think about. He’s now gotten strangely very attached to his phone and it’s almost as if he does his best to avoid me touching it.
This behavior was completely unexpected as we’ve been happy. We live together and the thought of loosing him terrifies me. I don’t want to talk about it because I don’t want to upset him. But it’s been almost a week since this happened and nothing has gotten any better.
Give it time.
I will suggest that you give it time.
He is probably still a little hurt that you don't trust him.
He will relax with time and everything will be good again.
Just give it time.
@LyssaM423He was right to be offended - Going through his phone is very invasive, and does suggest that you don't trust him; that there is some kind of underlying trust issue in the relationship.
At the same time, what you found in there is also disturbing - that a female in his social circle is sending inappropriate messages is definitely disrespecting the boundaries of your relationship on her part. As for him - If she feels comfortable to do that it's only because 1) he is either also guilty of reciprocating the flirting/inappropriate behaviour, actively inviting the inappropriate behaviour somehow OR 2) He has not in any way actively discouraged her inappropriate behaviour and messaging ("I have a GF, please stop sending those inappropriate messages" etc.) In this particular situation, if someone is actively making advances on you when you are in a relationship, you have a positive/active obligation to do something about it. Ignoring it and electing not to discourage their advances is a crime of omission (doing the wrong thing by doing nothing when you ought to have done something)His altered behaviour regarding his phone also suggests the possibility that he is hiding something, although it might simply be a natural defensive response to you invading his privacy previously. In any case, since you know about her inappropriate messages, and since it is an issue for your relationship, and something that is troubling you, it needs to be discussed with him. The longer you think about it without a resolution, the longer it will grow and fester inside your mind and it will poison your relationship before long.
The invasion of his privacy/why you felt the need to go through his phone is one issue; and the girl's inappropriate messages is a separate issue. If he only wants to discuss the privacy issue and tries adamantly to avoid discussing the girl's messages, when both those issues merit discussion, then at the very least he is only interested in assigning blame and not focused on resolving the issues for the relationship's best interests. At worst he is actively avoiding/being defensive about a conversation about the girl's messages because he feels guilty about his response to her advances, or has some kind of conflicted attraction to her that makes him uncomfortable in confessing to you. If he is genuine about the relationship and cares about your happiness, he should be able to understand your point of view on this issue (about why another girl sending those messages would be distressing and raise questions) and be open to discussing it, and ideally be reassuring, understanding, patient, and have a reasonable explanation about all of it, and also ideally you will both agree on a solution going forward (what will happen with that girl? What will he do about all of it? What do you need from him and expect of him in future so that this situation doesn't just repeat and so on...) You want all these things clear in your mind so that you don't just respond emotionally and heatedly when you talk about these thorny topics, and you can probably expect him to be quite emotional also.Wishing you all the best with it ~ ! CatzInTheCradle