Interesting online date situation . Hot and cold, blocking/unblocking...

Hello everyone and thank you for reading my thread.

I recently had an interesting experience with a guy I met on a dating app. He has recently divorced after a 16 years relationship. We started chatting a lot and the conversation got intriguingly personal and at times pleasantly intimate.

I am in an open relationship with a man I love and respect, recently I have felt the desire to connect with other men. As I started to connect with the guy mentioned above, I felt an immediate spark which I perceived was mutual. I was honest with him and told him I’m in an OR and was looking to connect with other people and see where things might go naturally, he said that the fact I’m in an OR, was ‘food for thought’ but he too wanted to meet and see where things would go naturally.

We kept on chatting daily for more than a week where he shared some very personal things with me as well as his sexual fantasies which he was unable to fulfill with his ex partner. His sexual fantasy really clicked with me and I mentioned that if upon meeting we would get on I would have gladly explored with him.

We exchanged pictures, some audio messages and many many texts. We never spoke on the phone. After a week of chatting we agreed to meet up for a walk. On the day we were meant to go, it was his first day off after 4 night shifts, he apologised saying that it might have not worked as he always has lots to do on his first day off. We chatted that evening and he said we would meet the next day. To my surprise the next day he blocked me... then a few hours later unblocked me and apologised saying that he tends to block people when things ‘get on top of him’ and that he is missing his old life, he also said that he wanted to pursue his fantasy more than anything and felt it was unfair on me because he thought I was after a more serious relationship which he is not ready for, and also that he is scared to meet me because this is all new to him, the world has changed a lot since the last time he was single; I reassured him that I did not want a serious relationship with him but simply meeting up for a walk and see where things might go and after I clarified where I stood, (I had already clarified in previous messages days before), he said that if we were on the same page he would meet. He again said he would meet me the next day and the following day he blocked me again.

I obviously felt weirded out to the max and wondered if he had lied about his identity etc but looking him up on Twitter (I did not follow him), he is who he said he was. I did nothing and about a week later he unblocked me and after a few hours I said hello and he said ‘ I wonder if I’m too mentally unstable for you’; we chatted again and I suggested we spoke on the phone but he said he did not have the courage to do so. I suggested to accept the potential awkwardness and meet up because things through text are difficult and it would be easier face to face. He said he would accept the potential awkwardness and meet me. I suggested meeting online first, he said yes but it did not happen. I said I was no longer going to try and facilitate our meeting and that it should come from him when he felt comfortable to which he responded that he is not feeling ready to meet or date or have sex. I said I respected that and offered to be friends. I then asked him that if the fact I was in an OR had something to do with him not feeling like meeting up and he said he would probably still feel how he feels but it would have been slightly easier if I wasn’t in an OR.

We then kept on chatting and we teased each other a lot and shared more pictures and he told me how much he was desiring me and looked at my pictures often and he wished to be together in real life not just in his imagination.. that turned my interest for him on so much more. The next day he went quiet and did not respond to my how are you, until last week he blocked me again.

I have been thinking about him a lot and wondering how things could go if we met. It’s become a little obsession which has even made me question my relationship, wondering if I wasn’t in it if he would have felt more confident to meet up. I’m hoping he will unblock me again, although I have decided that if he does I won’t initiate contact with him. I honestly feel super silly for feeling this way for someone I have never met in real life and part of me wonders if he just led me on but was never interested in the first place.... or if he is very interested but struggling with his emotions. He shared a lot has happened to him in the space of two months and I believe him and strangely felt like I would have liked to be friends at least but probably he is not happy to engage with someone who is open and liked her freedom. I might have teased him too much towards the end... oh dear. I’m totally over thinking this! I shall hold on and see what happens.

Overall this experience is teaching me the importance of patience and understanding. I clearly have some issues around rejection and not being in control of a situation. I have never been blocked in my life by anyone before; it immediately made me feel like I did something wrong, maybe I said something wrong or came across as being too much. I have spoken about this situation with my dear friends and my partner who is the most understanding kind man and he has always given me freedom to be myself and explore and experience. I have a lot of love and support in my life and whenever I meet someone, may it be online or in real life I have an interest in I feel like supporting, reaching out, taking care of.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? Would love and appreciate your thoughts on this.

Many thanks for reading till the end.