It’s complicated

Me and my boyfriend were together for a year and 7 months, but we’ve been broken up for about a month because he wants to focus on school and himself. That’s fine because we’re both in college and a relationship can be stressful, but we’ve always talked about sticking together, talking about things, and staying together if we need to focus on ourselves. There’s something going on with him and he doesn’t want to talk about it. I don’t know if it’s wrong to try and get him to talk about it, when he’s the type that doesn’t want to talk about things. He told me that he’s okay and he wants to figure it out on his own.

We’re friends right now, but it’s complicated because we agreed to not tell our friends and family until we figure things out. We act like a couple though (we don’t do everything that we used to, but if someone saw us, they would still think that we are together) and we still hang out, so it’s kind of like, why don’t we just remain together? I’ve talked about it to him a couple of times, but he doesn’t want to worry about a relationship right now. I should feel that way to, but it just hurts me. I cry a lot more now and sometimes I can’t sleep because I’m so sad. It’s really hard for me. I think he’s trying to stay strong for me as well because when I apologized to him last night, I could see the hurt in his eyes. He doesn’t like hurting me and he doesn’t want to keep hurting me.

I always feel better when I’m with him and when we hang out. We both agreed that it has been the best year of our life together, and I want to spend the rest of my life enjoying life with him, just like we discussed. He said that he believes that we will come to each other and that there’s a chance that we’ll be together again, but it’s not certain.

I do know he’s right though. We haven’t given it a try because to me, it’s hard to go from being together to taking a step back, so I just slip up sometimes, but maybe he’s right. I do need to work on things as well and I think when we both work on things we’ll be stronger than ever, but I just don’t know how.

How do I help myself feel better when being with him makes me feel better? I get happy and then I’m sad again, so how do I overcome this and become stronger? I feel like we are soulmates and we will come back together stronger than ever, but how do I not let my emotions ruin everything? I believe our love is worth it, so how do I help myself? In other situations I let my emotions get to me too and I want to be a better person, so how do I work on this when I feel like talking to him is the answer. I always went to him for my problems but I can’t go to him this time so idk what I should do. I would really appreciate the help and thank you for reading this 💗