My boyfriend says he will make an effort but he doesn't
My boyfriend and I have been friends for three years now and we started dating last year in Jan. We are in a long distance relationship right now. I love him a lot and I know he feels the same way. But lately we have been arguing almost every single day. Even little things end up turning into big arguments. One of our most common topics is that I feel he doesn't make enough of an effort to make me feel special. He has never given me a single gift in two years, not even on my birthday. I have told him repeatedly that this really hurts me and he promises every time that he'll plan or do something romantic for me but he never follows through. I don't know what to do. Am I expecting too much?
@thecaffeinatedoverthinker
Thank you for sharing. I am glad that you are here. I don't think you're expecting too much, you need what you need. And, that is important and it is good to not compromise. The only important catch is that you need to not expect him to know what you need. You might ask him … "do you have enough information, am I clear enough?" and make sure it's ok for him to say "no, I don't". Does he think "I want to do something special but I don't know what to do" or, in another situation, is it possibly a money issue - just that he cannot afford to give you gifts? Be careful about "effort". If he cannot afford it, or if he wants to please you but really doesn't know how and is insecure, then it isn't about effort.
On the other hand, and this is equally important, if he does understand and knows exactly what you want and is unwilling to do it, then that is a serious concern that you should take seriously about not getting your needs met.
Thank you for sharing, and you are doing good to talk here, and I am glad that you are being thoughtful and caring about this. See what you can do to determine if it really is about effort, and definitely keep talking to him about your experience, your feelings, and how it affects you.
I believe in you. Best wishes.