Need Advice…Cheating or Not Cheating?

Hi all! I need some feedback. My fiancé have been together now for 2 years. We are night and day different. We both are divorced, and both came from long relationships (15+ years) where our spouses were unfaithful. His divorce was much more recent than mine. We met just 2 months after he separated, which wasn’t planned. I had been divorced for 5 years prior. In the first few months, we were up and down. I was nervous because he was newly single and I worried that he needed to date some before committing. We fell for each other fast, but we didn’t state that we were exclusive. He had met a girl prior to me, and they met and slept together. A few months into us meeting, he told me he was meeting her at her house to “get his jacket back.” I told him that was not ok with me and that he could meet her in a public place. He went and met her at her house anyway, saying that he felt like it was the respectful thing to do. I could get ahold of him for 3 hours. He said they talked and she was really upset. He came to my house afterward, to “prove “ nothing happened. This was a betrayal to me. He blatantly chose to meet her instead of respecting my feelings in the situation, but he has struggled to get that. I was very upset with his choice and started doubting everything with us. I met someone at my job, and we started chatting. We ended up meeting a few times and we slept together, although I didn’t have interest in a relationship with him. When I finally admitted this to my fiance, he freaked out and gave me *** and continues to do so. Turns out, I discovered that he met that same girl who he had supposedly said goodbye to, and slept with her again Halloween night.  We ended up cooling things off until Jan 1 of the next year, and we made our relationship exclusive and official. We went to the mountains on vacation in June of that year, and I was using his phone to pull up something online. I decided to check his texts just to see if he had been talking to the girl. They had been chatting in Jan and April. It was about me. She complained about her boyfriend, and my spouse was telling her that he loved me and that maybe I was too good for him, etc etc. I got very angry that he had stayed in contact with her, as I feel she was the catalyst in all of the issues we had in the beginning. He did not tell me he was chatting with her, but he tried to excuse his behavior saying that he didn’t delete the messages, so he wasn’t hiding anything. Insane, I know. We are in therapy now and he continues to struggle with feeling like my betrayal of the other guy was far worse than his betrayals. We were both wrong. We both deceived the other. I made my peace with that and have tried to move us forward, but he continues to bring up the other guy and the fact that I “cheated.” We had known each other for maybe 6 weeks when that occurred. My question is, if you were in my shoes, do you feel like he was in the wrong continuing to engage with the other girl, even though he didn’t initiate conversation, and even though the content wasn’t sexual between them? I feel like having any interaction with her, due to their history was completely wrong and I still consider it cheating. He swears that it was innocent and he didn’t see it as wrong at all, because he was asking advice about me. I’m eager to see the responses. I know this is the definition of dysfunctional, but he seems to want feedback from others, so that’s what I’m doing. Thank you!