Not sure how to address my boyfriend about this
My boyfriend and I have been having a bit of issues, myself mostly. I am having very bad trust issues with my boyfriend right now and am not sure how to fix or go about it. I found some sexual videos and pictures on my boyfriends phone two months ago and haven’t been able to really trust him again since then. It’s been really hard to separate him from his phone even when we’re getting intimate. We never really got a chance to ever really talk about this because we were at his parents house so we were around his family the whole time. When we weren’t we had both kept quiet and haven’t brought it up. It has been affecting me since then and I’ve started to have some really bad self-esteem issues. Anytime he uses his phone now I can’t help but wonder who he talks to or has on there. It doesn’t make it any better that he’s changed his password since then and never seems to unlock or even use his phone unless it’s pointed away from me. I don’t know how to have this talk because it always ends with him shutting down and I end up feeling bad, which I know I shouldn’t. I want to address this as soon as possible because I want to fix it before I end up having to leave because of it.
Firstly, I want to say how sorry I am that you are feeling this way. I understand how this is affecting you as I had a similar problem with my partner and his mobile phone use. Modern living with technology has complicated relationships greatly in my opinion, opening doors of opportunity which would not be so easily done years ago. I think you have every right to feel the way you do with this situation. I know you have tried to bring up the topic with boyfriend which is the right thing to do but does take courage and the reason he shuts down is probably a guilty conscience. How much does he respect your relationship together and does he show you reassurance at all that you are his one and only? I guess by his behaviour that you describe is that he's not making the effort to give you confidence about your relationship together. For you to face your feelings about this shows that you have strength and self respect which is not a weakness. If he can't value that in you then I'm afraid he is not putting in the effort. I had to brave and was prepared for my relationship to end when I spoke up about my heartache with my partner chatting to exes and other women on his phone without me knowing much about them if at all. He was shocked and actually was then grateful that I made it clear about my boundaries and it showed him how committed I was to our relationship. He respects me and 'us'. I really hope you get the peace and reassurance you need, you deserve a caring respectful relationship and should not settle for anything less. Good luck.