Past relationship and new relationship

@Bratgirl57 I went through something very similar to this.. but he never left her. He made a "plan" when he was going to do it but there was always an excuse. Next thing I know he was sneaking out to spend the night with me. I was so sure he was going to leave her but then it hit me... I lost him and even if we got back together he didn't love me enough to leave her immediately. Few years later and I still about him. That relationship was a big part of my life and I was hurt but It was not meant to be. So here I was single waiting for him to leave her to come back to me and it just never happened. What I would say is to leave all communications with your ex because if you already talked to your current boyfriend and tried to tell him to leave that puts you in a "I'm ready to do this" position. So he doesn't need to wait for you to do it, he should've done it the moment he realized he had a chance with you. If not. What does that mean? The the girl he currently is with has potential to be with him long term? Also, do you think you don't like your current boyfriend because you're talking to your ex? It could be that honestly. But if you don't like him at all then you should break up with him, its not fair to hold the living situation over your head. That's not your problem to live with. Plus does that mean he's just using you for housing? I did this as well. I jumped into a relationship very quickly. He was amazing. He was sweet and bought me all these things, took me out , and never disrespected me. I just didn't like him. Everybody thought I was crazy,! When I was talking to my ex I realized this guy never stood a chance with me, I just needed a distraction. I let it go on for a month more but during that I had actually met someone else unintentionally and let me tell you... I was falling HARD. So before I did anything else I broke up with the boyfriend I had no feelings for... and let me tell you...he was devastated. But it wasn't fair for him that I keep forcing myself to like him. I let go of my ex once I realized he was never leaving her. And I gave the new guy a chance. And here I am married with my first born!... You will meet someone that without even trying will sweep you out your feet!

@Bratgirl57

Current life is comprised of new relationships, while old ones are merely memories. Keep those two things separate. If you take care of that first, the rest of your life will be easy and secure. Your present joy and tranquility will be ruined if you let your past haunt you. Therefore, give that your attention, and don't look back. Just some old memories. It's not easy to let go of the people we've loved in the past, but there's beauty in the way they've shaped us and prepared us for the people we've yet to meet. When we move on, we take the knowledge and wisdom we've gained from the past with us, enabling us to forge stronger bonds with our new associates. We can use those insights to avoid making the same mistakes again and to lay the groundwork for mutual respect and understanding. Building something better than we had before is possible in our new relationships.

@Bratgirl57 It sounds like you are going through a difficult time right now with your current relationship and your feelings for your ex. It's understandable to feel confused and anxious in this situation.

You broke up with the ex and then got into a new relationship too quickly afterwards, that you now regret.

You’re trying to get back with the ex who is also already in a relationship currently, and the ex is potentially lying to you about his partner (and also discussing getting back with you while he is in a relationship - not much positive in any of that). By the way, if he actually wanted to get back with you, he would have done that already. What he is instead doing, is exploring his relationship with his current partner so that he can compare relationships, and see if there’s actually a reason to stay in his current relationship. Meanwhile he still discusses the “possibility” of getting back with you “when he’s single” (meaning when he’s done exploring what happens with his new girl) and is probably quite enjoying having the attentions of two women. Meanwhile it seems like you are anxious to be single so that your opportunity to get back with the ex might improve.

I think if you keep making decisions based on your anxiety, your relationships will always follow this chaotic pattern that you’re experiencing right now (thinking you want this relationship, then regretting it, breaking up, rebounding, deciding you want the ex after all, breaking up etc.) That’s why getting back with the ex probably isn’t going to be what makes you happy as much as you think it might be right now. Also consider the possibility that your sudden intense renewed interest in the ex [might] be triggered by the threat of you losing him permanently to another woman; rather than any new potential he might have developed to be a more suitable partner for you than he was previously.

In any case I think you would both benefit from taking more time to process the situation carefully and remind yourselves of all the reasons why you didn’t work out as a relationship. If he was to get back with you [right now] how do you know he won’t be still thinking about that other girl wondering what “might have been”? You already think he’s lying to you about how serious they are. That’s why he needs to explore this current relationship thoroughly to know for certain where he stands and decide what is right for him. It wouldn’t be healthy for either of you if you both rebound into a relationship with each other and his head is filled with doubts and questions and some other girl, right?

I hope that has given you something to consider.

CatsInTheCradle