Problems on repeat...

This is my first posting, so I hope that I'm doing this correctly.

I dont even really know what to say. I've been in the same relationship for just over three years now. I met my boyfriend online. We had a rocky start, where an old (now ex-) friend decided to spill out my sexual history to this guy.

Now, my poor decisions from my past and the abuse that I went through is constantly used to put me down. My partner says I have no right to talk about being healthy and relationships because I was a stupid whore. Or that I deserved being raped and lied to. That no one held a gun to my head and made me do those things, and therefore I asked to be abused. If I ever say something that he doesnt like or that he feels is a slight towards him, I get called a jizz rag or a stupid bitch, amongst other things.

Im starting to feel like I have no worth. Im starting to feel like I have no say in my relationship. Im starting to feel like my past will always hold me back, and that Im not given the opportunity to change as a person.

I struggle because I want to be in this relationship, but I dont.