Relationship Support
I really want to know what to do. I have been talking with this girl for a while now then we decided to start dating like almost 2 months ago. Entering the relationship felt like the best thing ever but since then its a continuous argument and we are both tired of it now. The main problems is I don't know how to be gentle with women and I treat women the same way I treat guys, the aggressiveness and all. Also, I feel like what ever she says affects me cause I care a lot about her and I have told her that but she keeps saying things to hurt me and that gets me furious. Another thing is she doesn't listen to me when I want to settle a problem, she wants to always do what she want to do and go to her friends and have fun or just lay back and bury her head in work but I don't want it to even reach those level I just want to settle it right there and there, some context is we live in dorm and we stay right next to each other and see each other everyday. My question is how do I deal with this problem in my relationship cause it is hanging on by a thread?
@imaginativeGlobe7421
People deal with conflict in different ways. Some (like you) prefer to talk it out and sort it at the soonest. Others (like her) prefer to take some time and space to process what happened before responding. It's just different ways, none is necessarily better than the other, it's just how people manage situations in life.
About the gentleness, I guess when you care, you learn over time what matters to them. The triggers, the buttons, the hurts, everything and that's a work in progress. As long as there is a genuine connection and intention to treat each other kindly, the rest can be worked out over time.
The most powerful thing that helps a relationship get better at meeting both partners needs - communication. Calm, reasonable communication. Another thing that really helps is taking turns. If one is upset or angry, the other person can wait and allow them to express what the matter is without also getting upset/angry at the same time. 2 people upset and angry rarely make sensible choices but if at least one is calm (in turns, depending on the situation) then it's a bit more manageable.
Although some aspects of relationships can be learnt and managed, the core is how you both feel about each other. If 2 months of arguments have you both looking for a way out, that's a different matter altogether. Maybe reflect upon your connection in general and then decide whether you're both willing to put in the effort to make this better.
Much strength and peace to you!