Should I stay or leave?
My boyfriend and I have been dating a year now and have had a lot of challenges in the time since we started. We left our spouses for each other, which came with disapproval from family and friends. He has kids and I became a young step mom over night. We fell in love pretty quick. It was 2 months before we met and moved in together (no, we did not cheat on our spouses). Since we made this decision, our relationship has gone downhill in the past year. His support, kindness, and loving spirit has almost disappeared. I don’t know who this man is anymore, and I’m starting to think I really didn’t to begin with. I’m not getting my basic needs met. I am met with rudeness, judgement, quick to anger, impatience, gaslighting, etc. I have tried to break up with him multiple times, and have successfully done so for 24 hours twice. This last time we met with a therapist and he convinced me to stay. My boyfriend was going to let me go, and I convinced him to stay. And I don’t know WHY, because I don’t think it’s what I truly want a the end of the day. This relationship has turned me into a person I almost can’t recognize in a bad way (which may have part to do with the new COVID lifestyle and being stuck at home). I have wanted out so many times because I am unsure of how my future will look with him. Something in me is keeping me here and I don’t know what it is. I don’t know if I am too afraid to be alone. Or if I truly want to be with HIM. But I could really use any advice.
I keep holding onto our good days and hope we can fix it like our therapist is telling us we can. But I feel hopeless a lot of the time.
I just broke up with my 4 year boyfriend, after ignoring all the lack of efforts after the first year. If you are seeing all these red flags, try to leave him early and not get too attached. Maybe distance yourself a little, and see if he fights for you. If he doesn't, you have to let go
Hi @considerateOwl3810,
has your therapist asked where your boyfriends' behavior is coming from? Or, better, how he feels. I recognize myself in your boyfriend. From a loving and caring husband I turned into what you're describing. I was, with good intentions, over-focusing on getting a job. And that changed my behavior. There's always a reason why someone who is loving and caring (because your true boyfriend is loving and caring) shows opposite behavior. I lashed out to my wife because I love her and I was actually crying inside for help and understanding. If you guys got a decent therapist, the above should come up. If not, you should start looking for another therapist. Because you do need professional help to sort it out. Do believe in yourself, try not to fix your boyfriend, keep some distance but let him know you are there for him.