Stuck in Limbo
Hi,
I have been dating my partner for 4.5 years now. We love each other so much but i’m sort of at a loss of what to do. He is an exceptional man, we get along well on politics, religion, home habits, humor, so much. We’ve grown so much together into adulthood. I always thought I would spend the rest of my life with him.
I recently decided to open up to him and let him know I do not plan on having children. He told me this is a deal breaker down the line because he has always wanted to raise a family. We obviously cannot stay together long term, this we have both agreed on, even as hard as it is to accept.
But what do I do now? I’ve cried with him, accepting we cannot stay together. I would never want to deny him his right to a family, but I never ever want children. But our relationship is good otherwise. Am I being selfish by staying with him? I love his companionship, his friendship, his support, and he’s reciprocated the thoughts. I’m scared to have to find a new place to live because I cannot afford to live on my own.
If anyone has advice, I would love to hear it…. I love him, but now that I know we will not stay together forever, it just seems like, what’s the point?
Thank you ❤️
“I never ever want children” - unless you’re in your late thirties or above, saying “never ever” makes no sense. As you grow older, your friends get on with their lives, co workers move on, and a job looks like it’s just meant to pay the bills, the importance of family hits home.
But let’s leave that aside.
If you don’t have the financial means to live on your own, you can freeload for a while on your boyfriend. He gets the sex. Then when he decides it’s time to settle down, he has the option to look elsewhere. You’ve laid down the cards, now it’s up to him to take the sensible decision.
you can have a family and not have children… that’s a bit of a skewed way to view life, that you HAVE to have kids. i have known my whole life i don’t want kids, nor is it easy for me physically for that matter. i just feel like it was unfair for me to keep that to myself for years. it just wouldnt be unfair to tell him years down the line that my desires from life never aligned with his.
he NOR i can afford to live on our own with southern california rent prices. I make more money than my partner, so a bit assuming to think i would need to “freeload” but I digress.
Deprogrammed--
This is a hard situation and you need to feel validated on that. I'm sorry you're stuck in limbo, as it's never fun for anyone. And it does probably feel like a waiting game but having children is kind of a big deal and now that you both know your sides and it's clear and it in the open, it's probably best for y'all to find companionship and compassion in someone who shares the same values at you.
I'm not really one to stay friends with exes but I know people do so maybe you guys can be that for each other. And finances are hard. So, as friends (or friends with benefits I guess) maybe you could still stay with him for a bit while you look for roommates or places to live out save up, whatever you need to move out. Take a little more space everyday and sort of wean yourself off each other, or to the point where you guys are as romantically in love. That way you can still keep him around as a really good friend but allow yourselves to move to a different chapter that involves someone who is not aligned with what your want.
It's hard though and I feel that. I wish you the best.
