Thinking about breaking off 3 year relationship
We met at 15… we are 20 now, we have grown up so much together, graduated highschool, began college. Life had changed so much and it has been great being at each other side. He has helped me have a better relationship with my parents and calmed my anxiety a lot.
But lately we just have so many problems and fight a lot because he is having a rough time with figuring out his path and realizing he doesn’t like to major in biology. I try to be there for him but It stresses me out because I want a future together so I want him to succeed in whatever he does. And he sort of shuts down and doesn’t even try to problem solve. I feel like he had become this burden of my life because he doesn’t bring to my life anything anymore, I plan the dates to which he arrives late to, I call & text him (making the first move), I’m studying, working, and involved in school to have a career and be financially stable. I’m pulling all the weight. I need him to step it up. I need to see action. And we talk and I see no change, but I still continue to hope that this is just a rough patch.
my heart hurts, I’m crying every other day grieving for the man I know still is in there. He has always treated me like a princess, and he’s currently in therapy working through his problems but it’s not enough. I want more, I deserve to be happy. To not be stressed out for someone else’s life.
im conflicted
im definitely no professional but I will give my advice anyway. In my eyes the fact that he is going to therapy is a huge step in the right direction. If you have been dealing with this for too long then you know what must be done. However, I know what it is like to be in his shoes and I promise you it’s sucks so much. Have you reached out to him and told him how much this effects you and exactly how you feel. Communication is so so so so so (cannot stress this enough) important in a relationship. You need to lay everything on the table and tell him exactly how you feel and what you are thinking. If you have already done this then he might need some time alone to either fix himself or truly realize how important you are to him. Some people might disagree but it’s these real “rough patches” that make the relationship so much stronger once you get through them. Stay strong, you will make the right decision. Also I’m a romantic so I’ll always push “love conquers all”. Good luck!
@babybleria Hi. It sounds like a lot to handle. Here is an, “impression” I got from what you said, and please forgive me if I’m way off base. You both have a lot more on your plate now than any time in your relationship I’m guessing. So how each of you deals with new stresses is new to each of you individually and as a couple. But my impression is, while you wrote about it being a factor, you kind of blew past it doing 150mph with, I want a future with him and I have these expectations about what that looks like and the roles we play as a couple. That might be not only stressful to put on him, but also stressful to put on yourself. Love may be caring, and attention and togetherness, but sometimes it means giving each other a wide birth - I’m not saying time apart, I mean breathing space. Space so he can get his stuff together with the therapist, a little space to freak out about whether he should stay in this major, space for him to want to turn back and focus on you. At 20 you are just beginning to figure it all out. But breath. They say planning is essential, but plans are worthless. No battle plan survives battle. You have to improvise when things don’t fit nicely into the plan.
