Update on LDR breakup

Update on my relationship

In my first post I discuss how I wanted to leave my long distance relationship and was trying to find the courage to leave and I left him the first time, since I am extremely lonely and have no outside friend group or support system I ended up going back with him. After constant accusing me of cheating and telling me everyday I was a “W” derogatory word and a liar, cheating b word I finally gave up and said, I have to choose me, I had to remember I can leave at any time even though he would always not allow the relationship to be over which would make it impossible to leave I had to just end it even though he wouldn’t end I had to for me and I hung up the phone and blocked him. Even though I never did any cheating he was indignant and kept analyzing my behaviors and tone every time we talk, he wouldn’t give me any time to myself he would bombarded me with text messages if I were to want to do something for hours without contacting him he would then accuse me of cheating and send me repulsive text messages constantly accusing of cheating. It got to the point where I felt like I was walking on eggshells if I did one wrong thing he would get upset accuse me of cheating and then call me really offensive and demeaning names, telling me it’s my fault for making him mad and how he wouldn’t be acting this way if I didn’t cheat, which I never cheated. This would go on everyday, or every other day. And even though I am alone and in a toxic family situation at least I don’t have someone also causing disruption and distraction to my mind and pushing me further behind. At least I have me even though I just wanted support in relationship that is and was never the case. Now I have time to focus on the things I could never get done because he would be constantly accusing me and distracting me and wasting my time on senseless issues that weren’t even true. He would waste my whole day by talking to him, and then when I needed to get anything done it was always on the back burner. I couldn’t even go into a seminar for my online class without him thinking I am having sexual activities because I was talking to myself reminded myself of the stuff I have to get done but according to him it was cheating. He was obsessed with that topic and that would go on day and night. I felt like I had to be this other person who was a robot that just does everything he wants me to do, any time he asks I felt like I was supposed to be this obedient and follow every rule. I am glad I got out of this. This long distance relationship was quite severely intense in terms of very toxic behavior and really was hard to leave. I made the choice to stick with my choice of leaving and I promised myself not to go back no matter how many times he tries to get me back. Now I just have to follow up with my actions and do what I need to do for me. Why is it so hard to remember about yourself and taking care of your own needs and remembering to put yourself first in a relationship like that?