advice pls
so im with someone, but my ex who is also my best friend is in love with me. my bsf and i hang out almost every day and i only hang out with my boyfriend on fridays. i have kissed my bsf but i havent done anything else. i felt bad enough when i kissed him, but they give me different vibes when im around them. when im with my bsf im happy but it feels like someone is sitting on my chest, when im with my boyfriend i feel like i have chills that wont go through my body. i love them both, and my boyfriend got tickets for the kid laroi in august and my bestfriend said if i went for someone else hed never be my friend again. im at such a loss.
@idkwhossav if someone threaten you to not be your friend, then he isnt a good friend in the first place.
Agree with the above post. Your ex is your EX. He doesn’t get to tell you who to date, or what to do. He talks like you’re his possession. He is not treating you like a friend. He thinks of you as an object. If he thinks that behaviour is an act of “Love” for you, it’s NOT. It’s dehumanising. You’re a human being with your own mind, capable of making your own decisions, and he should respect your autonomy. I He is merely pretending to be your friend while he waits for “something more” to happen. As long as he is threatening you with the friendship like that, it tells you absolutely that his “friendship” is just a tool for him to stay close to you while he waits for you both to get back together. Maybe some part of you also wants to get back together with the ex which is why you kissed him. Maybe that excites you in some way, the idea of getting back with the ex, probably in the way that bad ideas excite us/ doing the wrong thing is exciting.
Regardless, just be conscious that that’s how it is. The “best friend” has selfish motives, and they aren’t about what’s best for YOU. He will probably end up ruining anything great you have with your partner right now, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he was completely pleased if you two were to break up. He is NOT your friend, because he wants more than friendship and it’s obvious he doesn’t respect your friendship boundary.
Trust him at your own risk!
CatsInTheCradle
@idkwhossav
Having been in an abusive relationship I'm going to give you the advice I wish someone would have given me. Love isn't butterflies and sunshines and lollipops. Love is like coming home. You know that feeling you get when you've finally reached your bed after a really long day? Love is like that. It's pure comfort. You can be yourself. You can do what you want. You are free. It's the "awww" feeling after finally sitting down. Their arms is your safety zone. Someone who loves you, would never, ever try to tell you what to do. Or worst, threatened you. It is however classic signs of an abuser 😓.
I would share my boundaries very clearly if I were you and make sure to mention the consequences of not respecting your boundaries again. Best of luck to you!
