confusing over a guy
hi i am new to this actually, i am in my early twenties and i had a crush on this guy in my neighbourhood for about like 5 years hes a shy one and mamas boy and recently and i feel like *** it and i confess my feelings to him like 6 months back and hes currently not in my neighbourhood so we chat back and forth and we are in very long distance like different state and i know i am falling for him but when i confessed to him about twice he be like wait lets take time and see where it goes and don't bring that topic afterwards so i feel like i am pressuring so avoid it and my closed ones know i talk to him but in the beginning he said dont say anything about us talking to ur friends and i am a actually straightforward person and blabber mouth so ofc i told people he said ok just don't tell anyone more and no one i mean no one knew about me in his circle and nowadays hes just excited and reply when only we are talking about u know *** sort of other than that when i iniate a convo he be ending with i am busy or 'okay ' after that i wont text him because i feel like i am pressurising him and hes my first love and hes the first guy i held hands but hes confusing way too much i dont know what to do i cant talk about this with him because inn a way hes sensitive and i cant be like this without any tag when i ask him are we friends hes said i dont know and seriously i dont know what to do and we are practically grew up together like i know his family very well can u guys if some way help me on what should i do
@sensitiveFarm7616
“i know his family very well can u guys if some way help me on what should i do”
Listeners aren’t advisors, but my impression is that you’re already doing all you can. You certainly are respecting his feelings, as you’re careful to avoid pressuring him. In my experience, pressure usually leads to greater emotional distance between people.
It sounds like, as you indicated, his interest in talking to you is limited to only the one subject he gets “excited” about. The question you’re facing is whether that limited area of interest is enough to sustain a meaningful relationship.
Back to the question of what you should do. I think it’s very important for you to protect your feelings, but having a crush makes that difficult. Having a crush often means seeing things to admire in the other person, which are actually projections of the person you are instead. In other words, it’s not unusual to see “good things” in another person, which may not exist, except in the mind of the person who wants to see those things.
I’ve had a lot of crushes, some tragically extreme. The thing about crushes is that they aren’t enough to make a relationship last. Another word for crush is infatuation. There are one way infatuations, one person having very intense feelings for another, but those feelings aren’t returned by the other. Then there’s two way infatuations, where both people are madly in love with each other. In lasting relationships, the infatuation gets replaced by far deeper mutual feelings. In those relationships, each partner really cares about the other person’s feelings. They’re sensitive to their needs and emotions. They nurture each other and support each other’s personal growth.
Theirs is not a desperate, insecure and “clingy” kind of relationship. Instead they’re more inclined to simply appreciate and often celebrate each other’s company.
Is there reason to hope your “crush” can be that kind of partner to you?
I hope whether it’s this person or not, that you find someone with whom you can be happy.
@sensitiveFarm7616 Hello..this situation is hard for sure. I firmly believe that when someone likes you, you will feel it for sure. If you're confused, that's already a sign.
Based on my experience in the past, whenever I felt confused about how someone felt about me, it was because they just weren't interested enough.
I'm currently dating someone and he has made sure to show me how much he wants to be with me. I have no doubts about his feelings for me.
I believe it's important that you talk things out with him. Have a heart to heart conversation. If this is important for him and he's on the same page with you then you'll have your answer. Be open about it and hear him out on the topic.
Best of luck!
@sensitiveFarm7616,
you have a crush on him. Unfortunalety, it seems it's not mutual. You start thinking, analyzing, coming up with excuses for how he responds but it doesn't change the fact that it doesn't seem mutual. It's tough, I know, but that is how it seems to be.
