still in confusion

hey im new here..i wanted to share my last relationship experience. i have been seek help from professional but i still am in confusion and swinging back and foward about what should i do..when i told my psychologist and friends they pretty much said the relationship is abusive. I met this guy from dating app and we quickly hooked with each other but nothing exclusive yet so when he saw lots of people texting me he started to feel uneasy and said to me he doesnt like to be an option. remind u we were just hanging out for 2 weeks and he already being like that..so in order to make him feel better i cut the communication with others but slowly red flags started to appear 1 by 1 but i choose to ignore it..after 2 weeks we made it official and the next thing i knew we were fighting over silly stuff and leads to the first breakup..during the no contact period he kept provoking me sending me text messages which i reluctant to reply but i really wanted to work it out so bad so we give another go..i told him he should seek professional help and he did first 2 weeks was wonderful and then we started to fight over the silliest things AGAIN but this time he crossed the line by calling me names and accussing me for something i didnt do..he had rough past and an alcoholic and have had use drugs ( he told me he used icy which the strongest drugs that's what people told me but it was during his teen years) and the breakup was bad..it has been 2 months now since we talked..i tried to talk to him but he said he cant do it anymore and need his mental health back so i respect that and i leave him for good..but he would try to get into my life again by texting me so it's comfusing me so much and i get frustrated and i lashed out at him..to be honest i miss him a lot but at the same time i am upset with him as he called me name and it was so so bad..so i dont know what to do with my feeling..i need help