virgin college student
im a 20 year old college student that has never had a boyfriend. ever since high school i’ve been alone and considered a “loser.” i focused on academics and never went to party’s with my peers. i didn’t glow-up until after high school and i’m grateful for that. the thing is, i can’t go past the talking stage. i have a great personality and i’m pretty cute so i’m confused and doubt myself. i feel like i’m the problem as to why i have no opportunities with love. i have high standards when it comes to a partner due to my fascination with romance movies and the charming men in them. but i don’t think that is the reason that holds me back. i also have been searching for the right one or my soulmate, now more than ever because im a virgin. at this age, i waited for sex because i want it to be special and i just don’t want to give that up to a guy i’m not dating or a random hookup. i really need help because i’m losing hope.
I can relate SO much to you. In high school I was a very self-conscious quiet shy person who was so involved in academics and extracurricular activities. I barely had a social life at all. I didn’t go to any parties. I had no close friends, except hanging out with my mom. I had social anxiety and didn’t know how to start or make conversations. It used to freak me out if there was a social situation in school because I didn’t know how to behave. I was bullied in school too. I also used to also be a “romantic” person with secret crushes on boys. I started talking more in undergrad, and it was really after college that I became a little better socially. I didn’t lose my virginity until after college. Even today I’m not super great at keeping conversations going. I still have some anxiety in social situations. But I noticed I improved slowly over the years.
I think you should just take a chance and talk to people. If they judge you for how you talk, that’s their problem not yours. Back at your age I used to worry a lot about how I talked or behaved with others, but looking back on those days, I believe my worry was actually an obstacle to me being able to be bold and put myself out there. The bottom line is you ultimately should not care what others think of you. If you want to talk to a guy, just say Hello, smile, and be friendly and ask about him and be interested in him. That’s a great way to let him know you’re interested in him. Worst case scenario he might not like you back, but you know what, that’s not your. You win because you took the chance and put yourself out there. And getting better in your social life takes practice. I still work on it.
Something I realized with experience and that I continue to remind myself today too is that the only person you should be concerned about pleasing is yourself not anyone else. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be friendly to others (you should try to be if you want to make friends) but don’t let your anxiety take over your desire to put yourself out there.
