Am I in a toxic friendship?
Hello. After some thinking I decided to come here and hopefully some light can be shed on this issue that's making my heart heavy. I met my best friend back in 2015 and it's a long distance, online friendship. They have Asperger and social anxiety, and I've been supporting them. I've been through depression and they've been there, too, but they've also triggered some by saying mean things and then apologising, saying it was their anxiety. They get terribly jealous of me making other friends, and if I don't feel or see things the way she does then she gets upset and "punishes" me by saying mean things and threatening to end our friendship. I stood my ground today and remained calm through her outburst, but I've been wondering if this friendship is toxic. I know they they're struggling and I try my best to support them to th best of my abilities, but sometimes they deman more than I can give and I have a life of my own, too, but they often forget that I have worries, feelings and that I can get tired. They're very clingy and I appreciate being given my space, so we often argue. I love them, but I'm getting tired of being called out for being myself and not doing anything wrong. I would really appreciate to hear your thoughts on this!
@untournesol
I think its great that u r supporting her, and she might just be doing this because u might be all she has and she's scared. But don't let her push u around, let her know that u are sick of being called names or of her getting jealous. but make sure to tell her that u do care about ur friendship, as cheesy as it sounds. but yeah, hopefully telling her this will help her realize that she needs to haddle this a different way, like talking to new people so she has more friends and will less lively get jealous. if there's anything else u want to let me know, I will try my best to help or tell u my thoughts.
@Overthinker3313
Hi, thank you so much for replying and sharing your insight with me! I tell them every day that I love them and constantly remind them how much they mean to me, and have suggested for them to try to make new friends and hang out with then and they did, but if I do so much as to be affectionate to other people, they'll immediately turn passive-aggressive with me. I try to stay open-minded and to communicate with them, but they keep making it seem as if everything I do is bad and I hurt them on purpose. I do try to be understanding and avoid confrontation, but they won't talk to me and keep trying to pick up fights and it takes a toll on me every time. I'll try to talk to them again, though, and hopefully we'll find a solution. Thank you so much!!
@untournesol
Ane you said she sometimes threatens to end you friendship. Maybe when or if she says this again you should start asking her question, like, (okay, why exactly do you want to end are friendship?) If she says something like, because you don't care, or you don't put enouph effort in are friendship, then say something like, (wow that really rude, because I do care and you make me feel like I'm not good enough to be your best friend) don't just let her be the one who get mad, show her that you care enough to get mad or upset about the things she says. Know that I'm not an expert I'm just telling you what I think is best. And u do know your situation better than me.
@Overthinker3313
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