Asperger's and can't have friends
The inability to form friendships for those with Asperger's is much more difficult and complex to accomplish than A-typical people (non-asperger's people). Having said that, I have never had a friendship. I will be working on it once I get back to therapy in June, but for now, I thought I would ask. What is the secret to 'RECIPRICOL' friendships? the people I have known, it has always be about them....I am the co-dependant one in the relationship, and they are the narccissist. I know I wont be able to learn, just be asking in this thread, and it will take me YEARS to learn this in therapy, but for now, I am curious to what others do to experience RECIPRICOL relationships?
I am no expert but what I've learned is, a co dependent relationship involves 2 people who are locked in a destructive but mutually beneficial cycle. A reciprochal relationship involves 2 people who choose to be in a mutually beneficial and constructive cycle, both using healthy boundaries and not resorting to repeated defensive behaviours.
Also, if in a codependent relationship, it can take one person to change and stop using their defensive behaviours or needing the partner's defense behaviours to function.
yuh. i think i get that. it sounds like some of what my therapist has says. knowing, and applying that are two different things. I have to learn how to apply that. I guess I was asking to know what kind of work I will start engaging in. it's all about boundaries really. thanks for your reply.
For me, I needed to notice when my feelings changed so I could start to discover what 'triggered' a change in my feelings and behaviour. I also needed to think about how I was feeling and find useful and constructive ways of expressing my negative feelings.
I can't offer a lot of help, but my ex has aspergers and while he seems to have trouble with romantic relationships a lot of that is probably because of his depression and alcoholism. He does, however, have many friends and he is an amazing writer. In addition my friend Dave is in his mid 40's and is married with 6 boys. He has many friends and though his marriage has had its ups and downs it has lasted over 20 years. His 18 year old son also has aspergers and hasn't had any trouble making friends that I can see. You will get there in your own time and quality friends will be better than a quantities of friends.
Iv got aspergers too and I feel the same way as you do ...
Hi there, this is Mario (26)! Well my brother has aspergers and I have a mild case as well. On top of that have trust issues, due to family problems. I do have a few close friends, yet making friends is difficult, I think even for 'normal' people.
Think the best is to look at it from various perspectives. I'm fairly certain that everyone has taken and givin at some point in their lives. However, there are different ways of giving/taking and ratios. Most of us do have the primal instinct of survival!
Question to ask yourself, how do you give to people? And are you sure what you give to them is what they want? This website is an excellent example of this! I talked to one listener who mentioned about his relationship experiences...but actually my question was about friendship. When first meeting someone, what do you think they expect from you and vice versa?
Also, another suggestion is going to activity clubs you enjoy or volunteering! It's important to meet people who share your interests, that way you can have more enjoyable talks and time together.
Finally, do you know the four-sided model of communication? Well when we communicate to people, we also give emotional component of a message. This can easily understood differently by someone else! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four-sides_model
I'd like to become a listener soon! In that case, we can exchange experiences.
@OmegaWolf
this is a topic close to my heart as I have been the partner of a man with Aspergers for 12 years. Let me say it is a lonely place. And I really wonder if those with aspergers grasp that? One of the hardest things is that I don’t think they do. It tests the patience so hard. I often sound critical and I wonder every day if I should leave rather than keep trying.