Do i deserve better friends?
A few months ago me and my friends got into an argument over a joke i had made, i hadn't known that they were struggling with when i said it and i explained saying i didn't know and they still got mad and i explained that they always make jokes about me and i tell them to stop and they never did and i explained to them that they do that to me and i didn't know they were struggling with what they are and later that night i said i was sorry and i said i understood how it could be offensive but they were still mad they hadn't texted me or anything in a couple days so i assumed they didn't want to be friends and i needed some time apart so i unadded them on snapchat and Instagram, ill say girl #1 she had texted me saying she was sorry and that she missed me and i replied saying its ok im sorry too and i miss you too and she never replied and this was a few days after the argument. A few days ago i say i would rather be friends than not and if they want to talk about it we can and one of the girls, ill say girl #2, said she was tired of me victimizing myself and that i was becoming toxic and i had replied saying every relationship has their ups and downs (this was our first argument) and i asked how i was being toxic because i wanted to fix it and she said i would take pictures of her and call her ugly and i would say you need therapy you're too sad. I never and would never say you're ugly. You need therapy. You need help. The pictures i took were of us candid eating lunch in school or when we were in the middle of a sentence and i would say like "oof", "this is terrible" and she would laugh at them too, she never told me it bothered her. One time i said we need (i never said you) therapy and listen to music and she thought i was saying that because i thought she needed help i said it because i went through the same thing. I had to heal myself from depression because my mom denied i had it and i was joking because i don't think she needed something heavy and i wanted to help because we both like music so i wanted to help because that's what worked for me so obviously i don't want my friend to be sad and i explained all of this to them but they didn't respond to it. Girl #1 had said i threw away our friendship of 6 years because i unfollowed them and unadded them and i explained why and i said i thought you guys didn't want to be friends, and she had never texted me back when she texted me and i even came back saying i would rather be friends. I also felt like she was bragging about a 6 year friendship but i felt like if you were really my best friend for 6 years like you said you would know the joke didn't come across as it sounded (over text so you never know the tone) especially after i explained it and apologized. She has also said many offensive things in the past regarding my family and she knew that i had family who was a certain race she would make fun of and i never said anything because i knew she didn't mean it like that but i feel like it didn't go both ways. It just annoyed me because they acted like i need to be perfectly correct 100% of the time and they don't. Girl #1 did say she was sorry for anything she did to me however, girl #2 wouldn't even acknowledge my side or say sorry for the stuff she did. They were also saying i was making everything unhealthy and toxic but I was the one apologizing, explaining my thought process, every joke, admitting the situation could have been handled better and i said if you had told me all those jokes bothered you i would have stopped saying them and i would have improved myself and they didn't respond to that. I feel like the situation was way overblown, i felt like they got mad over something i didn't know and i explained that and apologized but they knew their jokes bothered me. It was also frustrating how girl #2 wouldn't even admit she did anything wrong. Girl #2 also said to me "i hope you figure it out", this really annoyed me because if i was the one to say that they would have freaked out and reacted way different than me. I also feel like if the roles were reversed they would do the same thing im doing now. I just don't really know what to think of the situation everyone I have talked to said they acted immature and toxic towards me and i did everything right but im not sure. Thank you.
@el1054
@el1054 for context the jokes they made were about my clothes and they would say that's this or that or you dress this or that and it started the change how i dressed and i even starting to ask them like do i look this today or is this good for approval.
@el1054 hey. First, I'm sorry you're going through this. Second -- you're right, you being the only person willing to take responsibility and communicate does not make you the toxic one, even if you did some things that were considered hurtful. We all do. Miscommunication is part of being human, but hopefully your friends are adult enough to communicate about it. This may hurt, but what this tells me is that your friends don't want to fix the relationship and/or are not mature enough to face themselves. They're pulling things out of thin air. You definitely deserve better friends. Girls can unfortunately be very mean sometimes, there's a culture of competition and a need for superiority or to gang up on another girl in comparison. We've all done it, but usually not past a certain age. I'm not sure how old you are, but if you're older than, say, 15 -- definitely eject these people from your life. That kind of behavior is wildly immature and vapid. If you're 15 or below, just understand that it isn't about you. You did all you can do. And honestly, victimizing yourself isn't a terrible thing if you've been through a lot. They might not be capable of handling it, especially if they haven't dealt with some darker life realities. It's not a superiority thing. Before I went through some awful stuff, I never could have related to someone struggling with certain darker emotions. It's okay to feel sorry for yourself sometimes. Your "friends" sound immature. I know it's really hard to start over, especially when you are kind of forced to by other people. But just try to remind yourself of all the ways these people failed at basic friendship. You're not asking for too much. Good luck xo
@dworth257 Thank you, ive talked to a lot of my other friends and they all say i should forget about them. Its frustrating when they dont hear your side especially if they're the ones saying 6 years of friendship and they wont admit anything they did wrong, I feel like they feel very prideful because I finally did something wrong and they dont want to learn how to fix relationships.
@dworth257 I also found out that the first girl was telling people what happened which i think is unfair because it should between us not anyone else. My friend who she told said people were asking and she told them everything that happened when she could have just said we had an argument and arent friends.
