Don't Want to Go to A Party!!!
I have a friend whose birthday party is coming up. I like him, he's pretty cool. We're not besties or anything but I'd say we're friends. I would love to go to his birthday party, if not for one very big problem. His girlfriend.
She used to be a very, very close friend of mine, one of my best friends. But for years she treated me and my other friends (when she met them) badly- making a lot of rude, hurtful comments and accusing us of all kinds of things. She would always play herself simultaneously as a victim, the center of attention, and a saint. I told her months ago that I did not care to be her friend anymore, and she was very, very angry about that. We have not spoken since then, seen each other, or communicated in any way, which is pretty miraculous since we live in the same small town. Even the thought of seeing her again makes me feel sick to my stomach. I stopped being friends with her, but somehow she and my friend are still together, and they are happy...good for them! But I simply cannot stand her.
I know that she will be at the party, and that it will be in a place where I cannot easily put distance between myself and her, since we will be trying to stay together as a group. She is a very volatile person and she has no problems causing drama, so the chances of her calling me out are about 85%. The friend who is hosting the party knows my history with her and he understands why we are not friends anymore.
I'm thinking that I should tell him that I don't think I should go to his party because I can't be around his girlfriend without acting weird and getting stressed/anxious, and that I would just bring the mood down. Also, I'm thinking of asking him if I could meet up with him on another day to celebrate his birthday privately, so there wouldn't be drama. Basically, just being honest.
Is being honest in this case too hurtful? I'm worried that I'm just overreacting but each time I think about his girlfriend I feel like throwing up. Even if I went to his party, I would just be a downer the whole time.
@Evenstar8
Hi there! Well, this is quite a situation, isn't it!
As you mentioned that you'd have to be in close contact with the girl, since you'd hang out in a group so it'd be hard for you to completely avoid her and have fun at the same time.
But it'd also befun to attend the party, right?
Since your friend understands your relationship with the girl, I'm sure he'd appreciate you being completely honest with him about voicing your opinions. I think it'd be a great idea to talk to him about that and perhaps arranging another hangout where you could have private celebration without her getting involved.
Good luck! 
@Saraf
Thank-you for your response, I did as you advised! But my friend doesn't seem to like that response- he says that I can come and I don't NEED to be around her the whole time, but since we're going to a place as a group, there is no way I can avoid her the whole time! I think that his response is wishful thinking, and I still don't want to go. It seems that he doesn't really care about my feelings in this. But I don't know how to voice that without sounding unreasonable.
@Evenstar8
Hello there! Thank you for sharing with us here on 7Cups what you're experiencing! :) Hehe. I've read this and I can definitely see the dilemma you are in. It's quite conflicting now when you are observing whether honesty is the best policy or not.
First of all, I am sorry to hear about what she did to you and your friends before. It is definitely not what true friends would do to one another. If I were in your position, I would feel hurt for what she has done and would be uncomfortable being in her presence since she does bring me negative emotions.
If you're not too comfortable going to the party, perhaps you could indeed try to be honest with your friend on what you feel about going to the party? You could try to get him to understand and maybe things will work out for you! You are not being a downer whatsoever, as the fact that you still want to celebrate his birthday privately or on another day conveys the message that he is not the problem but rather you're just very uncomfortable with his girlfriend.
Well, I do hope that things work out for you! Good luck! :)
Best wishes,
Outside <3
You might want to consider that if you celebrate his birthday without his GF there, won't that seem suspicious to his GF? Irrespective of whether your intentions are innocent; his GF - who already has a negative view of you due to your sour history with one another, cannot help but think the worst that you are isolating her BF for a private party. Of course she will see it as another hostile act on your part and won't hesitate to paint you in the worst possible light as much as the situation allows.
So even though you mean well by doing this, it actually opens up the possibility for friction and conflict between your friend, his partner, and yourself.
Just bringing that possibility to your attention in case you hadn't thought of it that way.
All the best!
Catz