Dropping a friend

I recently dropped a friend, it was a difficult decision, she was my best friend of 4 years but I just couldn’t do it. Found out she had been hiding something from me, something that I talked about a lot and expressed my anxiety over before and she was doing the whole time. I’ve told her before that I hate when things are hidden from me since this isn’t the first time, I felt really hurt and I was also concerned for her as well.

At first I was just going to talk to her about it, express some concerns, tell her how it made me feel when she hid it from me and set some boundaries over honesty. Me and another friend reached out to her and she immediately shut us down, we wanted to talk face to face(I’m not good at interpreting things over the phone) but she wasn’t having it. She said I was being inconsiderate of her time and feelings but I don’t understand. This year she changed so much, started getting into things she swore she wouldn’t get into, and she started to become faker. She started to hang out with people she told me she didn’t like, but would constantly complain about how she couldn’t see me even though I’m always free. She stopped making as much time for me and it hurts realizing that now. She kept telling me she was busy but we were all very aware she would just be hanging out with people, some of which she told me she didn’t like. That wouldn’t have been as much of a problem if I wasn’t going on vacation for two weeks the week after I contacted her (I found out everything the night before contacting her). I told her about these plans already, but she basically wanted to wait 3 whole weeks for us to talk and there was no way I could do that. I was way too hurt, and it hurt more that she wasn’t putting in effort to make time for us. She told me that she was going to skip out on her plans for “just a lecture” which hurt, it was so much more to me since I was genuinely really hurt. I made it clear to her that I was hurt, she told me “how do you think I feel right now”. We didn’t tell her exactly what we knew, she would’ve tried avoiding it or talking over the phone. We didn’t want that, maybe that was wrong of me but I handled the situation the way I would’ve wanted someone else to handle it with me. I admit that there were places I could’ve done better and I’ve apologized to her for them, but still I can’t get over everything.

She eventually agreed to meet, I reassured her once again, tried calming her down I could tell she was annoyed. To me friends need to have these conversations though, communication is so important especially since I didn’t feel like I could trust her. I was already upset but I stayed calm, I pushed away my anger and hurt and tried being understanding. She posted on her spam account that she was crying because of something I said, if she was trying to make me feel bad it work. I felt terrible, it made me cry because I never intended on doing that. I just wanted to have a healthy friendship and set some boundaries. I apologized to her, she left me on read but I didn’t mind. Then things went really downhill, she messaged our friend and told them to “get off their high horse” and attacked them, she said they thought they were better than her and really hurt their feelings. Never once did we attack her, or belittle her, we were very confused. I told them not to worry and that she was just upset. Then she posted to her spam again and said we were being inconsiderate of her time and feelings. Then later that night she messaged us that she wasn’t coming. She called it a waste of time, said we were being fake, called me manipulative, compared me to an abuser, said we did everything wrong, and said other really hurtful things. Again we never attacked her before this, never had that intention, the last message I sent to her was an apology before this. I guess that didn’t matter. She said if we “keep acting like this she’ll need a break from us”, I ended the friendship there. This wasn’t the first time she lashed out at me but this was the worst. I can’t even describe how painful it was, maybe I was being impulsive at the time but honestly I don’t think I could deal with that again. I didn’t trust her for hiding things from me, but I was going to forgive her for that and let it go. I don’t think I could’ve let this, her words still stick, I would’ve never been able to see her the same. Not to mention she didn’t allow us to talk about how we were feeling and attacked us for it. She got mad at me for dropping her and said that I didn’t care about her, she also criticized me for calling her aggressive. She brought up a completely different situation from 2 or 3 years ago where I defended her for being passionate and compared that to attacking me. Maybe I’m being dramatic I don’t know but looking back, she was incredibly draining. She made me feel so insecure, I was always so emotionally drained after being around her, I would usually cry when I was alone after being with her. I used to think that was normal since I’m introverted but I don’t think friends are supposed to make you feel that way. Still, maybe I did something wrong I don’t know. I didn’t want to hurt her but I did maybe I deserved what she said. I apologized in the case that I did trigger some kind of trauma and for other things but ultimately I don’t regret the decision.