Friend is being manipulative and won't let me go
I am having an issue with a friend of mine.
To make long story short,we met in winter and then started getting closer in spring time. I enjoyed talking to her and we got pretty close but as soon as it happens she started feeling more for me,which I could not for her. Since then we still stayed friends. We faught a lot and then got along again,usually because she said something like "you can't leave, it hurt me that you don't love me the same way but leaving will hurt more". A time ago she told me about her self harm issues and how it was about me. She keeps messaging me everyday about how bad she feels- with me being one of the reasons- and yet she didn't want me to leave (I told her it would be better for both of us because it's toxic). To sum things up for you,I can't stay but I also can't leave since she kept saying She will do more self harm and I am afraid she will eventually try to take her life away or think about doing it. I really don't know what I am supposed to do at this point. I just wish we never met. I don't have joy being around her anymore but also I don't won't you to think I care only when she is fine,because I truely tried to help her and make her talk to a professional,yet her strict relationship with her parents is too much for that to happen. Please tell me what the right thing to do is,I feel hopeless. I can't save her if I am one if the reasons for the pain and I don't want the friendship to be about this only
@howunfortunate I acctualy am going through a toxic relationship with a friend I had since 1st grade. She uses me and it pains me whenever I try to let her go 'cause I love her too much. I don't know if this is a good descision, because I've never done it, but I propose that you inform her guardians/parents about her condition. She isn't mentally stable (In what I see) She needs to talk to a professional about her issues. She is too attached to you. To the point she blames you for something she can't or can control. If you want to try and fix your relationship try talking to her and help her when she sees a professional. I'm sorry about your friend and what you have to go through. And I'm sorry if I said anything tha might have offended you or her or anyone in this message. I wish you the best of luck.
@HappyLily291125 thank you for your reply!
I have tried to explain her that this doesn't seem right and going to a process might help but she always found excuses. "My parents won't believe me and be even stricter thinking I just want attention" or "it's not as bad as it seems" sometimes even "your help is enough" (when it's definitely not)
I have convinced her to talk to the school consuler instead of a professional but she didn't tell them about the self harm,which is the biggest worry of mine.
I am afraid that I am forcing her and putting her under pressure which I don't want to.
I texted her yesterday about this, since yesterday was the point I was the most hopeless and couldn't even sleep, and she said "please stay here,I won't cut myself anymore but please stay" and she admitted that she is "putting me under pressure".
Thank you for the advice! I will ask her if she wants me to talk to her parents or if we should do so together.
@howunfortunate I meant professional* not process sorry
@howunfortunate I'm glad you took my advice, but it is still important to inform her parents. If she is too worried about her parents being anything but, helpful, reassuring or understanding; if you are up to it, I suggest you go with her. I've also heard that you can bring a friend with you when you go to counseling or therapy. I also think that maybe you should stay with her for a while t'ill she can take on by herself. Kinda like a mama bear 'cause it's pretty clear that she can't do this without your support. It might end up with her moving on and leaving you when she gets better, but I'll be here if you want to talk. Let's just hope you two don't separate it's a terrible feeling. All of this is olny if you are willing to devote yourself to her healing though. I hope everything goes well for the both of you. Good luck to the both of you.
@HappyLily291125
Thank you! I talked to her the other day about this (me or her talking to a professional/parent ) and she panicked and said "i can do this. Give me one more chance to do this on my own" and today I was spammed with massages how angry or upset she us because of me (apparently it's something in a group chat that i said wrong, but I still don't know what the deal is.) I hate always being given the fault... but guess it doesn't matter what i do or say it will still hurt her just because it's me and no-one else. This situation is really a ride or die 
It's exhausting.
I really appreciate your advice and help A LOT! Thank you!
@howunfortunate I know the path to healing is a very difficult one. There will be pot holes everywhere in the road some you can avoid and some that you have no choice but to run into. Just remember that if there comes a time where you can't handle the pressure anymore it's your choice to leave her at a professional's hand. Sometimes only being there and giving words of encouragement help a lot. If you need more advice or just want to talk I'm all ears. Good luck to the both of you and take care. 
@howunfortunate hey, firstly i'm so sorry you have to go through this. I know how it feels, and ik it's extremely frustrating. I'm in an eerily similar situation myself rn. I was wondering if you wanna talk about it more in private? If you're comfortable with it/available. I just feel like we could be good support for eachother considering we're experiencing similar things at the same time. I'm hoping neither of us have to go through it alone.
