Friendship making me blue
Hi all,
I had a convo last night with my friend. It was a pretty heavy conversation. They told me that they like me and want to be friends, but they don't have a lot of energy to give and don't feel quite as strongly about me as I do about them. We're supposed to talk in another two weeks. I am feeling pretty depressed, and I am thinking of pushing it back and just telling them I want time to myself.
Day
@Daydreamer47 - That must have been tough for you to hear. And I can understand that your instinct now is to pull back. Do you have any other friends or family who support you? I wonder if you guys spoke about expectations, what they need, what you need. I also wonder if anything like this has ever happened to you before and how you handled it. When you decide to withdraw, do you remember to be gentle with yourself? And I wonder how you get out of your withdrawal again. I get the impression that you felt pushed away, would you say that is accurate or how would you describe it? I'm really sorry this happened to you. It's an awful experience. I know.
@Chiaroscuro1 Thanks for the nice message. Yes I am definitely not good at coming out of it because I struggle with social anxiety and the process of turning complete strangers into close friends is very daunting, which is part of what makes the attachments I do have feel like lifelines and not just regular friendships. I also tend to feel ashamed/inadequate/pathetic for being "clingy" or "needy". I definitely do my best to keep trying to make new friends in spite of my anxiety, but it's definitely a struggle. I have pretty bad relationships with my family also since I come from a family of computer nerds lol and they tend to be not emotionally available/not always very affectionate. I have barely said three words to my brother in 15 years. I do have some close friends near me, and I have been trying to call people and meet people for coffee. I am also trying online dating and struggle with a lot of anxiety and distrust around that too, but I keep trying and yeah just allowing myself to rest and take it easy sometimes feels important too.
@Chiaroscuro1 Word!
@KMangoMadness - ?
@Daydreamer47 Whatever decision you ultimately make, go easy on yourself about it. Sometimes people ask for space and you feel like you want more but are afraid of being considered clingy. See if you want to keep the connection on a level between what they want and what you want, or if you just want to cut it off, whatever works better for you. It's tough to be your own best friend but really there's no better friend than you to your own self. And we have to be strong for our own sake.
