Friends? or not
I want to know you guys opinion on this. This is quite a long post that I hope someone would want to read until the end and comment it based on what you really think..
So I have this 'friend' from high school, let's say we are close but not close either. Same gender. We are the type of person who is close because of condition. She is the perfect miss one would encounter in life but she have quite an attitude that only I realise later in life. She is the confident type and like to share a lot of stories of her life prettily be it in blogs or other social media. She is like the star of the show, every time. The type of group we dwell in are the groups of highly intellectual people(yes, sort of because we are very informed about a lot of things). But the conversation seems like something dull to me. I don't really want to discuss about world issues although sometimes I love talking about that occasionally but more to I like to talk more about something deeper than just recent issues. Maybe questions that will be deemed very silly such as why are we born in this world which most of the intellectual peers of mine are quite reluctant to engage and more like very dismissive about that somehow.
At first I feel belonged in this peers and I have no qualm with her having such attitude because no one ever mention about that and I feel very evil thinking that she have an attitude. She is nice, only to those she wants to which I think is fair enough ground. She and I was a work mate for some time and sadly I was glad when the partnership is over, although sometimes I feel weird throughout the partnership because she sometimes forget about me but I'm okay with that because inside the 3 partnership I am indeed the newbie. And it goes on for 2 years or so.
Then I sort of parted ways with the her and the peers and for some reason I feel relieved. I dodged a couple of reunion with the peers and recently dodged the birthday of this star girl that for some reason I feel relieved that I didn't come along with little guilty. Turns out the party was indeed to celebrate and kinda to brag about our peers to her new friends. I look at it that way. But not like it's not bad.
Throughout the year I've been out of my peers, I learned a lot about how people view our community. Arrogant, exclusive, not humble bunch of people and of course I learned about that the hard way by having a clash with one of my best friend inside of the peers. After that I feel like I really need to get out of the peers. But I still feel very guilty. These people have been with me for quite a time, despite their attitude they are nice people. But I feel the world is bigger than just mingling with these people, so I leave bit by bit feeling guilty.
What I want your opinion and also you may asked questions if you want to see things fairly because I don't know if I provide a fair background.
Is it fair for me to walk away, to feel uncomfortable about the peers and want to run away from them as much as I want given now that I can?
I think if you are uncomfortable with someone or a group of people you can either try to talk to them about it or simply walk away from them. If you choose the ladder there would be no reason to feel guilty because people change and their will always be fresh starts and new friends :)
@Feelbetterme I have thought of talking it out to some of people in the peers that I thought sincerely understand me. I've tried once and I fail miserably.. It's just that I no longer see things the way they see them.. And I guess elaborated conversation would only seems like an insult to them..
I think I understand majority of your post. One of my best friend's in high school was a stuck up, shallow, gossipy, self centered chick, but somehow we got along very well and I look back now, 15 years later, and it was just all b/c of circumstances. I was the big mouth who liked to party and be noticed, and she was the posh, delicate broad who would tag along by my side to get attention from the guys. We stayed friends until we were about 23 years old, but eventually we had to grow up and get our own lives. No more partying or boys. I talk to her once in awhile on Facebook. She's still a stuck up b***h, isn't even married yet, and lives w/an old friend of hers from grade school that she avoided in high school! Two faced. But, that's her life. I think if you are not so comfortable w/this friend, then move along. Friends always come and go. When you find some that you can truly relate to and have mutual understanding, then try to stick w/those people. A friendship where you don't feel like you cannot be yourself is not fun.
@TransAm85 Thank you for your response. I think it's true that I need to move on. I think I just felt really guilty and wondering if I was just creating a bad image of my friend and peer just because I don't see things the same away again..