I don't feel safe.

Recently I've been having trouble on keeping tabs on my friends. Over than a month ago, I had a heated argument with one of my close friends that triggered something in me, so I decided to keep my distance from her. And I have another close friend (M), we've been friends for nearly a year now. We're open about everything, but now his bluntness scare me. Like, sexual remarks are a normal thing when you're friends with a boy, but now he's been making a lot of physical contact and he openly tells me that he gets turned on when we hug or share physical affection. Now, don't be so quick to judge him yet because he's a great guy and he has helped me through some hard times, but ever since that argument, I can't help but think even the closest person could turn all the stories you've shared with them into such venomous weapon when they want to hurt you. Now I find myself rarely talk about myself to everyone around me because I don't think they'd understand, and they wouldn't. I feel like I need to get real help because this whole thing (not just the fight) has started to get through my routine. It messes up my life, and I want to get better. I want to break free from all of these bad coping mechanisms I've been having. But see, my parents are a bit traditional and conservative about this. The reason why I don't cry often is they are the ones who taught me not to, because crying is for the weak. I'm tired getting stuck at this...