I just want to belong
2 years ago, I was with my ex. His family totally excepted me as I am and I got along so well with his family. Since that relationship ended and I moved back to my hometown(between away work contracts). I have felt more and more like I will never find where I belong. I met a guy who is from the UK and we clicked so well, but he is afraid of relationships and across the pond. Three of my best friends from high school decided I wasn't alike them enough anymore to be friends and they didn't want to even talk it out. Just stopped calling and caring. I love my mom and she does her best to try and lift my spirits, but I can't truly be myself around her and we don't have anything in common. I try to go to the movies with her but she doesn't want to see the things I want to see or eat my favorite foods. She ask me to go golfing or bowling but I find them so boring...so, I feel loved by lonelier than I have felt since high school 14 years ago. The difference? 14 years ago, I had hope that things would get better and that I would finally find the place I belong and be able to stay there forever....Now, I have no hope. The thought of the lack of hope I have makes me sad and I cry...For 2 years, I have tried to put myself out there and be social with all the different people I meet at work. Joined a dating site. Tried to reach out to acquaintances and old friends. But after all is said and done, I don't hear from those people I spent every day with at work for weeks on end. They don't initiate contact or they just don't reply to my messages. I've lost the desire to even hangout with new people and I'm afraid that makes people suspicious of me and talk about me to other co-workers(it has happened recently and I have never had people hate me so much and have others agree with them in 8 years of working for this company) I have to remind myself to smile when people talk to me. I have to remind myself to ask questions when they are telling their story. And I have to remind myself that no one really cares how you feel or think. And then I have to come up with a lie about how I feel that I can stomach. With just enough truth that I don't feel like a fake but not too much so they won't realise how much I hurt. I'm not lost in who I am. I know who I am...I just don't know if there is anywhere in the world that will accept me...
edited by Rain45 Moved to Relationship Community due to forum re-organisation
Hello! And thank you so much for sharing! I am truly sorry for the pain you have had to go through. It sounds like a lot of loss and disappointment.
You do belong, I can assure you of that. Life takes weird turns and sometimes we feel so completely alone. On some level I think I know what you went through. I had a situations where I suddenly felt that wherever I was going, I didnt belong there. I found it impossible to relate to anyone. But this I learnt was a step, a freaking long one but a step nonetheless. It is very possible you are transitioning, finding your place in the world and that means being on your own, having sad days and feeling confused. And that is completely OK! At 7cups you are never truly alone and the listeners are here to listen to all you have to say. I truly hope you make use of them.
Some people dont care, but a lot do...its just that they are focusing on their own issues and problems. Please do not hesitate to message me if you need anything and I truly hope you feel better soon. You deserve all the happiness in the world and thank you again for sharing.
@WhisperingPiano Thank you for your kind words. That was really sweet. I hope this step ends soon. It's been two years and I'm starting to just withdraw. I funny see the point in making the extra effort to make friends.
I have found a couple of listeners. Thank you. x