In Love With My Best Friend

I have been best friends with a boy for around 2 and a half years now, we speak almost every day in very lengthy messages and although he works away I speak to him about everything and anything.

When we first started speaking I was just out of a very abusive relationship and recovering from cancer, he supported me through everything and never complained. When he first told me he liked me we lived in different countries so nothing happened, when I told him I liked him he was seeing someone else and this has gone on for the last two years.

Recently we have both been single and happy and Im scared to broach the subject with him again because I feel he doesnt like me the same way anymore. Since my previous abusive relationship I find myself unable to feel romantically close to someone again and the idea of letting someone in again is terrifying and due to this any time we did spend any time together I found myself so anxious I constantly felt like I was going to be sick.

I feel he probably thinks of me as a friend now but I am completely in love with him and cant imagine my life without him, I dont know what to do anymore because any time I try to distance myself i just dont feel able to lose my best friend but I also feel I am prolonging the agony by speaking to someone Im in love with and know I cant be with and it has affected any other prospective relationships I could have.