It's been almost two years... Why can't I get over this??
So, five years ago, I became a part of this online writers' group that consisted of about 15 different writers from around the country/world. There was one girl in that group, Gracie, who I became the closest to. We swapped novels, chatted daily in and out of the group's group chat, and she even came to visit me and stayed for a week. She was my first "real" friend after I got out of a horrible situation I was in in high school, and with her I felt like I was making a new start. Problem was, I was really vulnerable when the friendship started, and she took advantage of this. Whenever I didn't reply to her right away or disagreed with her, she'd claim I hated her and threaten suicide. She'd threaten to leave the group and never come back. I'd give in and tell her she was great, and things would go from there. She bad talked every person in our group in some way to me, and not long after she visited me, I found out she had been talking about me behind my back to pretty much everyone for months. From there, I broke off the friendship, and she immediately tried to message a good number of other people to turn them against me. Some people believed her.Our group split in half. That was that.
Except...it's not. After our "break-up," I was scared she was going to plagiarize my writing, so I kept following her on the internet. I'd read her Twitter account and her Tumblr posts and just sit and be furious. I had another "friend" from the group, who also disliked her,egged me on, though I'm not talking to that person anymore and I can't completely blame them for my own actions. The thing is, I no longer sit around furious, but I still follow her. Whenever I'm bored, I search for her. I've mostly moved on with my life. I mean, I've graduated college. I've gotten a great job. I have some great other friends that stuck with me. I really have the most stable group of friends I've had in my life, but I still think about her far too often, and when she succeeds at all at anything, Ijust get so mad at the world.
I also recently found out one of the girls from the half of our original group that I'm still talking to is also still talking to Gracie. While I trust this person, and I like this person, it irritates me. I know Gracie spoke really bad about this person for the three years I knew here, but apparently they're still good friends. I'm just...it frustrates me, and it frustrates me that it's been two years, and I'm still this focused on it. I'm not nearly as obsessed with it as I was at the start, but...I feel like I should be further over it by now.
To give some background, I know part of this is fueled by the drama that's also been going on in my family, (ending in my parents' divorce about three months ago), but...I'm just so frustrated with myself that thinking of her can still upset me so much. I knew her for three years. I haven't talked to her in two. I have some really great friends now. I'm just... If anyone has any advice on how I can get over this? (Beyond stop looking at her pages. I've tried this. I admit to having a problem because I can only go so long, and it does not help that her info shows up on the side of my Fb sometimes, or now that I've blocked her, I just see my other friend seemingly replying to herself in comment threads.) Any advice please?
TL:DR: I stopped talking to my abusive friend two years ago. I still think about her way too much and am regularly tempted to look her up on the internet. How do I get over this?
I have a similar experience with my previous best friend. I knew her for 5 years it's been 5 years I haven't talked to her. We talked every day and were closer than family but she didn't accept me for who I am and later she became friends with the girl I met first after I introduced them to each other. Soon they became really close and met up without me. Because I depended on her and trusted that we'd be friends forever, when we no longer spoke I felt as if a part of me that was positive and happy also died with her. The feeling of loss broke my heart and at that time it seemed impossible to get better and it led to me receiving a therapy due to the severe depression. She would visit my dreams and I'd wake up feeling really upset. But as time went by, I began admitting she taught me a valuable lesson and that we were meant to part ways. I also spied on her online, but I gave it up because I felt like I was stuck in the past and I needed to get on with my life. There seems to be underlying thought in you that wants to correct the situation she caused by turning your other friends against you. I've learned that no matter how much you wish to change things differently, sometimes it's best to just let go of the toxicfor your own good. You could try by understanding the phase with her in your life is over, like a chapter in a book. It wouldn't be easy but try to forgive her and don't try to force yourself to change your mindset immediately, since it takes different time to move on for each person. And it's just that for you it takes longer than some people. It took me more than 3 years to finally move on with my life with her out of the picture. Invest your time and energy with your "current" people and hobbies/interests, something that excites you rather than bringing you down. I hope even a little bit I could be of help. I wish you the best.
