LONG-TIME TOXIC FRIENDSHIP? (Please read !)
It's a complicated story, but I'll do my best to keep it short, and to the point.
I've been friends with a girl since we were both 8. (we're both 17 now.)
Her entire family has a habit of becoming forgetful, and turning up late or NOT showing up at all, with NO explanation or text.
A small example:
Meet up at the mall at 4:00. Five minutes until 4pm, she'll call and say "I'll be an hour late, sorry!". And doesn't addrive until 5:30 without explanation. Not only was she calling me LAST minute, but she was MUCH later than she originally said. (Or just not coming at all with no text/ call)
She also comes from a VERY religous home, and has liked to tell me how things I watch, or music I listen to, books i read are "sinful".
* IMPORTANT NOTE: I know she means it in a kind way, to help (because she's been brainwashed to think her BFF will burn if I don't stop).
LASTLY: She has lymes disease, which is a disease casued by a tick bite where side affects CAN cause her to forget, and be extremely exhuatsed. However, she (AND her family, who does NOT have lymes disease) have been pulling this 'crap' before she was diagnosed. But still, I somewhat feel bad.
Thoughts?
@ElectricVinyl I'm sorry for your friend having Lyme's disease. I don't know much about it. But from the description you provide, it seems like it's more your friend's parents/family that is maybe putting stuff in her head. I may be wrong, but I remember when I was a teenager. Some parents do everything to even an extreme extent to keep their kids under their wing so-to-say. It prevents them from growing up, making friends, and having their own life, but that is their problem. I think you should maybe find some new friends. Don't ruin your day at the mall waiting for someone when you could already be shopping with another friend!
@TransAm85
But at the same time, if I've shared moments of my life with this girl ( a 9 year friendship !) I'd want to be tactful about just suddenly "dropping" her.
Speaking for myself... I have little tolerance for ppl who are habitually Late. Making someone wait is inconsiderate. Not showing up at all is Rude
I have a brother like that and when my mom was still with us, he would come for a dinner at 9 o'clock and expect everyone to wait for him. Being as he is my brother, him and I had words. He would go visit my mom at 11 o'clock in the evening when she was tired so i talked with him about it. Very self-centered but now our mother is gone and he has moved on to a more positive life.
Your friend has been like that since day 1 which is about a year and you are still there? Have you ever approached her about it and how rude it is?
If you have and she hasn't changed, you are still waiting for her, then she doesn't believe you.
I would leave her standing after no more than 15 mins. of waiting if she hasn't gotten in touch with you.
I am christian but I take it you are not and yes it is nice of her to be concerned about your life after death but you might be able to ward off the criticism or helpful advice by telling her what you have learned from these things and how they have helped you to relate to life in general by other people's experience instead of learning by trial and error.
I enjoy mystery and horror which surprises everyone but that is me ;)
@ElectricVinyl
Hi. It sounds like a very stressful and frustrating situation. Advice would depend on what you want to do or are comfortable doing. Some people would continue the friendship and just be more lax with plans. For example, plan to go the mall and if she shows great if not then you do your thing at the mall. I know it sounds easier said then done, but if you want to keep the friendship what other options do you have? Especially if she has a condition that makes it hard for her to remember. The fact that her family is that way just adds to the complications, they cleary never helped her to see the importance of being on time or keeping committments.