May have upset my friend
I have a close friend who I have known for a few years. She is very nice and sweet, she is also highly intelligent. I like her a lot. I have helped her through a lot of difficult moments in her life. I give her advice all the time and I want to help her but it's starting to drain me so I put some space between us because I am her friend, not a counselor. When quarantine started I told her I was going to spend some time with my partner (who I rarely see) once the restrictions loosen (following social distancing and wearing masks). That time has come now. But my friend's graduation party is on one of the only days my partner had time off work to see me.
Technically, I agreed to go to the graduation party first, MONTHS ago before COVID blew up and restrictions were put in place. My friend has an immunodeficiency and asthma. I live in a house full of essential workers and could likely pose a threat to her (my partner is also an essential worker) and don't want to get her or her family sick. I was already planning on telling her I couldn't come out of concern for that and my family's safety too. But now there's also this date with my partner to consider.
I told her the reasons why I couldn't come and apologized profusely and told her I would like to hang out with her one on one in the future with masks. She read all my messages but hasn't responded. I do not feel like I am in the wrong but she seems mad. A lot of other people are going so idk why my presence matters so much
@Evenstar8
Wow, you have some very valid reasons for not attending her graduation party. I mean, it sounds very risky and not to mention you are working on setting healthy boundaries with her.
I think it can be hard to set limits with people when we care about without feeling some sense of guilt. If you were in some type of caretaker role with her before, you might feel overly responsibile for her feelings. You even apologized "profusely" for not being able to attend her party. You gave her a full explanation. So you have gone above and beyond and she hasn't bothered responding. Maybe her phone isnt working, but this could be her reaction.
If she is upset, I say let her be upset. You are not responsible for how she feels and how handles it at this point. When you set limits, sometimes people will not like that. But, they don't have to like it and she'll probably get over it and if she doesn't- it's really on her. You've been more than wonderful to her.
~MAUS
@DangerMaus
Thank-you for your advice, I think you made some good points. I think the reason I don't feel like I'm in the wrong is because I really am trying to set boundaries but of course I still feel bad if I upset someone I care about. I guess she will just have to deal with it if she's upset 😕