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Need Advice about Online Friend

User Profile: kindnessngrace
kindnessngrace May 5th, 2022

Hi, I'll try to make this short.

So ive got an online guy friend (I'm female 19, he's 27) and we've been talking for about three weeks, we found each other through 7cups and switched to calling, texting, and sending audios instead. We used to talk pretty much every day until I realized that I was getting tired of spending every day talking to him. He was always showering me in compliments and telling me how I am the best part of his day (all he does is go to work and come home, lives with his parents, single, very introverted) and he's a super nice and caring guy but since we talked every day I realized that I was ignoring my own life while spending time on my phone instead of going out and doing stuff.

I just got home yesterday from college for summer break and I had told him a few days before that that I needed some me time off my phone. then I called him on Tuesday and we talked before bed, and the following morning. I also talked to him briefly this morning (may 4th). earlier tonight he sent me a text saying how he misses our daily talks and it had him feeling "some type of way."

I know he's a lonely person, doesn't have many friends but with the constant praise directed towards me and us always talking i'm at the point where he's so clingy I feel the urge to just stop talking to him. I cant handle clingy friends, one of my pet peeves is when my friends text me a lot on the phone or get super attached.

I guess im just looking for advice. I told him that I cant talk as much as we used to because its summer and I have to spend time with family and do other things, but I would still keep in touch. I was hoping that by distancing a little bit he might try and find others In his own city and environment to meet and hang out with instead but I dont think thatll happen to be honest. I guess im just afraid he's becoming too attached, cause it makes me feel guilty that I dont call him as much even though ive got to live my own life.

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User Profile: hopezzy
hopezzy May 5th, 2022

Hi, @kindnessngrace I can understand how you feel. It's okay to have boundaries with people as it is not only good for us but also for the person on the other side. Boundaries are a form of self-care. Healthy emotional boundaries mean you value your feelings and needs and you're not responsible for how others feel or behave. It's kind of you to consider others' feelings but not at the cost of yourself. Please don't feel guilty.

You can take a look at our boundaries guide for more information

https://www.7cups.com/boundaries/

A kind piece of advice for you is not to contact people offsite from 7 cups for safety purposes. I hope you enjoy your summer break to the fullest. (:


1 reply
User Profile: kindnessngrace
kindnessngrace OP May 6th, 2022

@hopezzy I appreciate it, thank you.

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User Profile: AveryLove
AveryLove May 5th, 2022

@kindnessngrace hi dear. please know that in the first place, we really do not encourage people to switch to offsite contact from 7cups as we really care about your own safety. if a listener tells you to contact them offsite, please be cautious. This is not a website for dating or making friends as we can not assure you that every one on here has good intentions. I really hope you are staying safe.

however to answer your question, i agree with what has been said by @hopezzy above about boundaries. It is more than okay and valid to set boundaries and not text someone back 24/7. You should not have to feel guilty for having a life outside of the internet/your phone.

1 reply
User Profile: kindnessngrace
kindnessngrace OP May 6th, 2022

@AveryLove thank you for the response and yes while I appreciate the concern, I am being safe.

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User Profile: griwiel
griwiel May 13th, 2022

There’s nothing to feel guilty about . Do what you think is the best for YOU and what brings you peace.

1 reply
User Profile: kindnessngrace
kindnessngrace OP May 14th, 2022

Thank you

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