Same problem with two different friends
Hi so I have been working on my mental health for a few years now and I have come a long way. But sadly I now recognize that my two and only friends, who don't know each other, are both selfish demanding people. They've been draining my emotional energy for years and I would have done anything for them. I have done so much for them at my own expense without asking for anything in return. I've noticed this now and their constant complaining and negative outlook on life has been hard for me. I've recently fallen back into a depression and after trying to support each of them about the next 'big drama' I told them how I wasn't feeling well and that it would be better if we could talk about it the next day. Two different friends, different weeks apart and different drama but I asked really nicely for some space. No one asked how I was, they are now both giving me the silent treatment and seem mad at me. I don't think I can be friends with either of them anymore but it really hurts to be cast aside amd blamed. They were my only friends and I feel I should try to make them see my point if view and retain the bond. But the other part of me thinks it's too hard and they will never see their flaws. I just want to cut ties but then I feel like I'm running away. Relationships are so difficult.
You are correct. Relationships can be difficult; especially toxic ones. After having been in a similar toxic relationship with my only sibling, I can tell you that cutting ties was the best thing I ever did. In my opinion, someone who is invested in a meaningful relationship/friendship/etc will reciprocate with your well-being in mind.
Think of a healthy friendship as a braid. If one strand of the braid becomes weakened, it is still supported by the other strands. But an unhealthy friendship, where all the strands are alone, not supporting each other, is bound to fail because when a strand becomes weakend, it breaks. Your current "friendships" sound as if they are not braided strands. I loosely call them friendships, because based on what you described, it sounds more like these two individuals are just taking advantage of your willingness to validate them and their drama, and are not concerned with your actual well-being at all. That could explain why they are giving you the silent treatment. You didnt validate them so they went elsewhere for attention. To me, a genuine friend would stay and be concerned with what is going on with you and ask what they can do to help.
It can be a daunting task to think about venturing out to make new friends or find a new social circle. But, think about how happy you would be knowing that someone is genuinely invested in YOU! Think about how much less stress your social interactions could have because they come naturally when you are surrounded by people who really want to be your friend and arent just seeking someone to validate their drama.
If you choose to part ways with the current people in your life, you dont even have to make it a big to-do. If they ask, you can just simply tell them you've grown in opposite directions and seem to want different things out of life. Wish them all the best, and then move on. Will it be easy? Most likely not. But will you feel better once you have advocated for yourself and found people who really care about you? Absolutely!
I can promise you, not all relationships have to be complicated. There will be hurdles or tough times, but the right people will work WITH you to overcome those hurdles and hard times and will make the relationship far more rewarding in the end.
Thank you @JustSomeKSGirl, Im sorry to hear you had a similar experience with your sibling. I am glad you cut ties and did what was best for you.
What you have said makes perfect sense and I knew asking for more from my relationships was always going to be hard. It just sucks to realise they are unhealthy relationships but it best that they are coming to an end.
I agree with your definition of a genuine friend. It is daunting to venture out and make new friends but I know this is the nextstep for me and I think Ive been mentally preparing for a while. It is one of the reasons Im on 7cups, helping build up my trust that good genuine people do exist out there.
I do think it is very true that we have grown in opposite directions so I will let them know that if they ever ask. Until then I do not intend to apologise or hassle them until they finally talk to me. I have to work with one of them but I intend to be friendly and polite in a professional way.
Thank you very much for validating me, giving me hope for new genuine friends and the courage to put myself first.