Setting boundaries and asking for space
Hello,
I have a friend who tends to take things personally and react in an angry /defensive way. I know it is because they are insecure, have self-esteem issues, etc but at the same time it feels a little toxic to me, especially when I am sharing something personal and vulnerable, and they react defensively. I'm trying to write a draft email to ask for space.
"Hey, I'm sorry to say that I'm going through a lot personally. I still really value you as a friend, but is it okay if we don't talk/hang out for a month or so? I know this is hard to hear, but I promise if you can respect my boundaries in this way, it will help me with a lot of my trust issues and make the friendship stronger."
@Daydreamer47
Hi, so this is just my opinion, I'm only a member not a listener but I recognise a lot of your friends qualities in me and if I got your sample email, I think I would be ok with that, you have the right to self heal and distance yourself from all stresses. True friendship has to recognise a mutual respect for one another surely. Your email is carefully worded so as not offend but yet deliver your intentions in positive and firm / clear way. I wish I had the ability to be a more effective communicator. You cannot control what someone else is thinking or feeling, you can only be honest and true to yourself. Hope everything works out ok for you. Best wishes and good luck.
Hi., i don't know if i'm right or wrong, I'd just want to suggest to you that you give him alteast a few reasons why you're wanting to set up this boundary, except that you have personal issues. this way your friend who's expect you to be very close, might understand and not get offended.
hope it works out well for you.
Tbh this person is quick to take offense, that's part of their personality/behavior, so I think I need to be prepared to stick to my boundary regardless. I can't control how they react, and being too timid will allow them to abuse me.
I am afraid to say the real reason- that they often react really harshly and it's freaking me out, because I know they will take that personally.
I was gonna say something like i said here that I have been feeling irritable and I want to focus on my own self-care/therapy and I'm introverted so I need a lot of alone time. or something.
I sent this message, and as expected, they took this as a personal attack and responded really negatively. I feel like this person is really toxic and I should try to maintain my boundaries.
You could PM me if you want to talk of it in detail. :)
