Suggestions?
My two online friends (1 female I’ve known for about 1.5 years, 1 male I’ve known about 2 months) are always texting me. I’m friends with them and used to enjoy talking to them but it’s always the same topics when we talk or it feels boring. As well, the main reason my girl friend sends messages is because she says “I miss you” or “I’m bored:(“ and it’s started sinking in that she only texts me when she seems bored or wants sympathy. I know she cares about me but it’s starting to feel like I’m the therapist friend all the time, not just some of the time. My guy friend always sends texts saying he hopes my day goes well, and he’s consistently told me on calls that I’m the highlight of his day, that I’m so special etc etc. while I appreciate the compliments, he’s being super clingy and I’m trying to force a little distance by talking to him less. (I’m also on vacation now and can’t talk as much so that helps).
They spend so much time trying to talk to me and I’m realizing they’re the reason I also feel lonely because I’m texting/calling them. How do I make them back off (other than lessening my own texts) without fully cutting them out of my life? Do I need to blatantly tell them “hey I need you to text me less”?
Thank you for reading if you got this far, I’d appreciate any comments:)
Hey there!
you seem like a very good listener. Often with peeps like you they make others feel waay to comfortable that they unintentionally stop considering your mental/personal space. They won’t know until you tell them.
I would say that the only way you can make them back off is by simply opening up about how you feel about this and that.
” Ik you care about me a lot but I don’t think I can take the role of a therapist. Sometimes I am the one who is having a hard time”
“ you are such a nice person, but your choice of words makes me uncomfortable. It would be better for me if you made less complements “ something like that I guess
it is important to put yourself first and to set clear boundaries otherwise they won’t ever know they are making it hard for you.
best of luck
