Trusting Friends

Hi. So I took a break from socials because my mental health was getting really bad, but I reached out to two of my friends in a group chat just to let them know I was thinking about them and that I was sorry I couldn't really be there for them. They never asked why I dipped out of socials. Instead, the response I got was that one of them was actually really mad at me. Friend A unloaded a lot of her grievances about me and was mad at things I did months ago and had no idea hurt her. Friend B backed her up and said I didn't have to apologize for being gone but I needed to apologize for disrespecting her. This sudden turn of events really triggered my anxiety and I tried to apologize for it. I know it was a poor apology but they saw it me playing the victim and being dismissive of certain points. I know I should've waited to better compose myself. Friend B replied a week later in what I felt was a very aggressive, accusatory manner and it upset me because it felt like everything we had went down the drain and they turned their backs on me quickly. I tried to take time to compose myself and apologize better, but in my apology, I wanted to clear up misconceptions and explain my side as well. They don't like that. They said I was being too defensive and making it about me. That my ego was too big and I couldn't just apologize. Friend B also threw things in my face that I told another friend privately. In fact, a few of the issues that Friend B was going off on were things I told friend A in private. I understand that I hurt my friends and that I gave poor apologies, but I'm having a hard time trusting them now that I know they shared things I said in confidence. Some vulnerabilities were thrown back in my face. And to top it off, Friend C, while she has seemed kind, also has her grievances with me based on things she heard from someone else. And I just feel so uncomfortable now.