When you need a closure
Lately I've been thinking about two of my friendships that kinda faded away.
The first situation is with a friend from high school (we're in mid twenties now). Our friendship have had ups and downs ever since we graduated from school. I often felt disrespected, neglected and taken for granted. When her life was really good and successful, we didn't hang out often. She had really good friends at University and during that time, we weren't close. Later her friend group kinda fell apart, she went through some problems in life, and that's when she called me more often, wanted to hang out every week, and was a bit possessive about me, like she was mad every time when I go out with someone else. Also, I felt taken for granted, like she called me when has no one else to hang out with. She even sometimes laughed about my interests, ambitions, goals, like she was constantly trying to put me down. Now writing all this, I wonder why do I even think about her, she doesn't deserve it. The thing is, I think about it cause we didn't have closure, we didn't officially end our friendship (is that even a thing?). Also, whenever I told her what bothered me about her behaviour and about out friendships, she denied everything, she played victim card, she blamed me for everything and never took any responsibility.
The second friend I'm thinking about is a friend from Uni. We haven't talked for about 2 months which is weird cause we used to talk almost every day. It was my choice to distance myself cause I thought it's not healthy friendship and she's not a person I want in my inner circle. She is doing nothing in her life. She's been studying for 10 years and it doesn't go anywhere, she doesn't have a job or literally any obligation in life. It's not my business of course, but I want to be friends with people who are not lazy, who are ambitious, hard working, who aspire to become the best version of themselves and inspire me to do the same. The thing is, I didn't want to end a friendship and stop talking, but that's what happened. Now I'm surprised and a bit angry that she hasn't reached out to me for 2 months, she's not asking if I'm okay or if anything happened.
I'm not thinking about texting to any od those two friends, but sometimes I do miss them.
Hey @optimisticField9745 About your 1st friend, ever tried talking to her about what you are feeling or going through? Every story has 2 sides. Ask her about her side of the story. Maybe she never took you for granted? Maybe you were a family to her, and so, she was herself with you, but you mistook her? I was in a similar situation. Just the other side. My school bestfriend thought he doesn't mean anything to me. But, that was not true. He's my family. He thought I took him for granted, but no... I thought nothing can come between us, nothing could tear us apart. But, because of those few misunderstandings, he pushed me away. I tried talking to him, talk him out of it, wanted us to get over this gap he said, but I was too late. He can't stop thinking about the gap. So, I suggest you, to not to be late. Don't lose a friendship over a miscommunication! About your second friend, Why do you want to choose your friends based on their career choices and education. She is still your friend I know there's a saying " your character depends on the kind of friends you have" But, seriously... really? Don't you guys have anything very nice or memorable to cherish upon? You guys must be having lots of ups and downs, you don't know what she's going through right now. Just check upon her, you never know... I'm not judging you on your decisions. But trust me, losing your friends is the worst feeling. And you might regret it later. And, it will be too late for anything at that time. Break the ice my friend. Don't lose friends because of what you think. Learn the other side of the story.
@raspberryLemon5565
Hi, thanks for replying and sharing your opinion.
About the first friend, I did say a few times what bothers me. She said she understood but she kept doing the same things. Also, when she was going through hard time, I did my best to make her feel better, I talked to her every day, I convinced her to go see a therapist. When I was going through hard time, she stopped texting back and eventually blocked my phone number.
About the other friend, it's not really her life what I have problems with, it's that I've realized we never actually were friends. We were there for each other as an escape from life, just killing time. I also realized it was mostly me who initiated us hanging out and texting first. You say I should check up on her but it's been two months and she's not checking up on me either.
Thanks again for reading and replying.
Hey @optimisticField9745, We are here to support each other... 🙃 So, your 1st friend... what went that wrong that she blocked you? I mean, you can share it only if you want to. And about your 2nd friend, it's up to you my friend. I personally lost friends, and I know how badly I miss them. Just tried to push you to talk to her, so you wouldn't lose her. On the contrary, if you feel you will be at peace if you let go of them and the past, then you should. Its ultimately our mental health that is more important. 🙂
@raspberryLemon5565
She said she blocked me so she wouldn't be tempted to text me first... Honestly it sounds like when you have a bad break up and you block your ex so you don't drunk text him.
@optimisticfield9745 I meant, what led to this breakup? You guys had a fight? Any differences? Misunderstanding? I mean... there's clearly something missing there...
