10 years…

Hi guys and girls,

Just kind of wanted to use this as a space to post my thoughts but also receive some insight from people who have been in similar situations.

My girlfriend (24) and I (25) have been together for almost 10 years. Yes we were high schools sweethearts and have been together since we were 15. Recently, we both graduated college and have been getting on with our lives. I’ve come into a great job that pays really well and provides me with a ton of life satisfaction. My gf (now ex) graduated and is ultimately confused on where she wants to go in life, industry to persue and just overall didn’t have the same linear mindset that I have.

Fast forward to a year ago and we had our first big tough adult convo. She let me know that while she loved me, she said she has always been in a relationship (dated even before me) and has never really got to experience being alone. We had a 1 month break following that convo, were ultimately she decided we could get past it and should start dating again.

Now fast forward to yesterday, I drove an hour and a half to meet her at her new apartment where she currently works at a restaurant. She has always dreamed of living in this city and about 3 months ago she decided she was going to go and of course I was very supportive of that. Although i knew it would be tough on me as I love her a lot, I would never get in the way of her doing something she’s always wanted to do. Yesterday she dropped on me that she is having the same feelings as before, where she feels she needs to experience life alone. She told me that for the last 10 years she has always had someone there for her. That she could never just sit and be there with herself. Anytime she was sad she called me, anytime she is angry she’d call me and so on and so forth. For me, I never quite understood the need “to be alone”. Sure there are times things happen and I’d just need some time to myself but the idea of breaking up to be alone just feels so weird. I thought a boyfriend was suppose to be there for his girlfriend, to comfort her when she was sad or angry. To cheer her on when she is proud of something or to share in her happiness when she feels like she is doing life right. I just feel so broken by this. In a relationship you can still be your own person , doing your own things, while also being with that person. I try so so so hard to see it from her point of view as I believe she truly thinks she needs to do this, but I can’t help but feel like she thinks that ending the relationship is going to fix something that isn’t at all coorelated. I feel like she thinks that she has more to gain from leaving the relationship, than she has to lose. Even when she says it’s not me, that I didn’t do anything and was supportive every step of the way, that she still loves me, that I’m the most important thing to her, that I’m her best friend and she can’t imagine life without me but yet I can’t help but feel like I’ve failed as a boyfriend. I tried my absolute hardest. I would drop everything and anything to make sure she was okay. There is just something so disheartening about giving something your absolute all and still not being enough. I feel so all over the page right now, but it’s only day 1 so I guess that’s only natural.

if anyone would like to share a similar experience where they had a significant other go through something similar or even better if you yourself have felt like you need to be alone, feel free to reply! As much as I like talking to friends and family about it, they are all so quick to jump to my defense and *** on my ex. She is not a bad person and is hurting just as much as me. She truly believes she needs to be alone and I am not angry or upset with her. I am just sad that my best friend, my favorite person on the planet is there for me one day and gone the next.

Thanks to all who take the time to read this and even bigger thanks to those are offer stories, advice or just kind words.