134F am lost when it comes to my 36m boyfriend and our relationship.

I am constantly being told I'm emotionally unavailable, I am in therapy and learning about it and how to get better. When my boyfriend and I have arguments I completely shut down, I am trying to be more present in our conversations but I feel belittled when talking with him. He has also been through a lot and went to therapy so he talks to me like I don't know and that l'm doing something wrong. Our most recent hiccups was when I went to a concert without him (he HATES my music) I went with my brother. He decided to text me saying he wanted to go to a gay club to dance alone. In the past he has been with males and has dabbled in cross dressing, so l was uncomfortable with him asking to go. He explained that he needed to feel accepted and wanted to get out of his shell like I was. I felt that was unfair because I was at a concert having fun with zero intention of being around other men, and he was trying to go to a club. I feel clubs when going alone are a single person thing to do not something people do in relationships. I have no problem going with him but I feel it was unfair to put that in my head when I was just having a fun night with my brother. When I came home we talked and I expressed as much as I could about feeling uncomfortable because of his past. He told me that was not fair and that I got to go out and have fun, so he should be allowed to do the same. There was a little back and forth so l ended up shutting down. He talked about how he just wanted to be alone and dance, but he does not dance at all so it's confusing to me as to what he’s trying to do. He tells me he loves me and wants to marry me and have kids with me, but I constantly feel I'm getting mixed signals. I bought a few tests to be able to track when I'm ovulating and to be aware of my body and he was excited, and bought a few things to help with conceiving. Then we started doing all the stuff we bought and he tells me he doesn't want kids with me right now. Which is perfectly fine but why buy the stuff and not express that before wasting money. I'm just very confused and feel this is not helping my mental state when I'm trying to get better and learn about why I am destructing the way I do. Sorry for the long post l'm just lost.