3 Things You Shouldn’t Do When Dating Someone With Trauma

1. Don’t try to heal their trauma for them

Listening to and seeing a partner in distress can provoke a need to "fix them" and "make everything better." However, it is crucial to learn the difference between understanding their problems as opposed to taking responsibility or ownership of them.

A "savior complex" can be counterproductive in that it increases their dependency on you. It may also be emotionally exhausting. Instead of ‘saving them,’ try to simply be present for them. Here are a few ways to accomplish this:

• Practice active listening, giving your undivided attention to their venting process
• Be emotionally supportive and show empathy by saying things like, "I’m sorry you experienced that," or "I can see how that is really hard for you. It would be hard for anyone."
• Show curiosity and ask how you can assist them

2. Don’t internalize their problems

The demands of caring for a partner with trauma can be heavy, as they often behave in ways that are difficult to understand, leaving you feeling dejected and hurt. However, their responses are not necessarily a reflection on you or your relationship. When things get overwhelming, take time to show yourself compassion. Remember, you are helping them through their problems, but their problems are not your problems. Some ways you can take care of yourself are:

• Recognizing and reinforcing your boundaries
• Taking some space for yourself to engage in activities that rejuvenate you
• Building a support system with people you trust, other than your partner, to help you in times of need

3. Don’t make your relationship only about their trauma

When interacting with a partner with trauma, we sometimes walk on eggshells—assuming anything we might say could trigger an emotionally destructive episode. Extreme cautiousness reduces spaces of comfort and can lead to feelings of isolation.

Read the complete article available at Psychology Today!

Reflection:

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